“The Late Show” has been on vacation for the last two weeks, but that doesn’t mean Donald Trump went on vacation, so Stephen Colbert had to shoot heavy doses of Trump, which can really be hazardous to your health.
“He’s like arsenic, you have to take him in small doses,” Colbert instructed.
Over the weekend, Trump decided he was going to make a plea to African-Americans, while in a 93 percent white suburb with a sea of white people behind him. The video of Trump’s speech drew boos from Colbert’s audience and uncomfortable laughter from the CBS host.
“Yeah, that’s, uh, he’s a people person,” Colbert explained. “Very appealing. Very appealing?” Colbert asked band leader John Baptiste.
“Yeah, I’ll definitely vote for that guy,” Baptiste managed to say with a straight face.
“Yes, black people, as far as Donald Trump knows, that you’re all poor, your schools all suck, you’re unemployed and your last meal was, I’m gonna say a football with the word ‘turkey’ written on it,” Colbert said about Trump’s observations of the black community. “So, take a chance! What have you got to lose? It’s all summed up in Trump’s new slogan: ‘You’re already on fire, so you may as well shoot yourself in the head,'” Colbert said, so pleased with himself he spiked his pen.
He acknowledged that Trump’s new pitch will likely be a tough sell to African-American voters, because in a two-person race, among black voters Trump is in fourth place. “That’s like coming in third at solitaire,” Colbert mocked.
If that isn’t bad enough, last week Trump’s campaign chairman “and Joe Pesci corpse double” Paul Manafort resigned after Ukraine’s anti-corruption bureau revealed some pretty sketchy dealings with $12 million in undisclosed cash.
So, Trump was forced to bring in a new “Trump-wrangler” and hired Breitbart’s “lesbian haircut model” Steve Bannon. “Now, if you haven’t heard of Breitbart you don’t have a racist uncle on Facebook,” Colbert joked.
According to one Breitbart source, Bannon is known for profanity-laced tirades at all hours of the night. “Which is a refreshing change of pace for Donald Trump, who likes to go to bed early. And Bannon has a bold new direction for the campaign because, ‘Bannon has convinced Trump that the rest of campaign needs to be bare-knuckle brawl. With huge rallies. Gloves off,'” Colbert said, quoting a tweet from reporter Bob Costa.
“That’s right, Bannon thinks the reason Trump is behind in the polls is that he’s been too civil and now the gloves are off. The tiny, tiny gloves,” Colbert mocked.
Check out the hilarious video below: