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Russell Simmons gets brutally mocked for saying he can’t be guilty of rape because he’s a vegan yogi

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Music and media impresario Russell Simmons got pounded by The Root’s Michael Harriot on Friday for Simmons’ vaguely-worded denial of rape allegations leveled against him by model Keri Claussen Khalighi.

Harriot summed up Simmons’ denial as, “I do yoga. I’m a vegan. I don’t know why it’s relevant, but I think it is.”

Simmons — who has in recent years become a vocal advocate for veganism and yoga — issued a denial of Khalighi’s accusation that he attempted to rape her at his home in 1991 when she was 17. Simmons’ statement was littered with new age-isms and metaphysical language but — as Harriot noted — short on facts.

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“Khalighi accused Simmons of trying to physically force her to have intercourse with him as she fought wildly and movie producer Brett Rasner just watched. Khalighi said Simmons eventually gave up and coerced her into performing oral sex,” wrote Harriot.

He continued, “On Wednesday, the Hollywood Reporter published a letter written by Simmons explaining his side of the story. The letter is a jumbled mess of new-age gobbledygook so we ran it through The Root’s proprietary technology, the Blacktalk Translatortron 3000, to decipher it for our audience.”

“Humanity is going through a powerful and wrenching shift of consciousness that I believe will ultimately lead to a mass awakening in all humankind,” wrote Simmons.

Harriot said this translates to, “I want to begin by saying something totally irrelevant to this incident, but it makes me sound like a barefoot guru so that you’ll know where I stand.”

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Simmons said, “Like all lasting change, this transition is filled with painful disruption and confrontation against an entrenched system. It may sound odd to some that I am encouraged about this time in our history, but I am,” which Harriot translated to, “I would like to invoke my right to blame my heinous activity on ‘the system.’ Y’all know how ‘the system’ is… I shouldn’t have to explain, so I won’t.”

Simmons pointed to the plethora of stories in each day’s news about powerful men being accused of sexually harassing, abusing and assaulting women.

“I do not doubt that the vast majority of the allegations these brave survivors are sharing are true and dignified. I see their stories giving a voice to the voiceless, which has been the central theme of my life’s journey,” he wrote.

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Harriot said that what this means is, “You’ve heard a lot of allegations lately about rapey men taking advantage of women. I wholeheartedly support these women. Now allow me to explain why I don’t support this particular allegation (spoiler alert: mostly because this allegation affects me.)”

As Simmons went on and on, Harriot became less patient with the Def Jam Records and Rush Media founder and his bizarre insistence that Khalighi is making her accusations out of “embarrassment.”

“She told her boyfriend about the one time, years ago, that she gave me oral sex,” Harriot wrote. “That incident doesn’t stick out in her mind because it was a painful, traumatic experience. She probably just brought it up because she was embarrassed. I’m sure you bring up embarrassing things that happened years ago to your boyfriend all the time.”

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Simmons touted his recent life turnaround and said, “I am a work in progress. I am human. The fact that I come from the world of music or a specific place or generation justifies nothing.”

“I’m not like that anymore,” mocked Harriot. “Why y’all always bringing up old shit?”

Read the entire hilarious takedown here.

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Trump encourages China to take advantage of Jay Powell and Fed: They ‘don’t have a clue’

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President Donald Trump launched a new attack against his own Federal Reserve chairman in a pair of Monday morning tweets.

The president has been publicly pressuring Fed chairman Jerome Powell to lower interest rates in hopes of staving off a recession, but the Trump appointee has so far resisted his calls.

"Producer prices in China shrank most in 3 years due to China’s big devaluation of their currency, coupled with monetary stimulus," Trump tweeted. "Federal Reserve not watching? Will Fed ever get into the game? Dollar strongest EVER! Really bad for exports. No Inflation...Highest Interest Rates..."

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Internet pummels Trump for frantic demand to investigate Obama instead: ‘This is not the tweet of an innocent man’

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President Donald Trump jealously raged against Barack Obama's post-presidency business deals, which includes a production agreement with Netflix -- and other social media users ridiculed his apparent envy.

Trump questioned that deal and others in a pair of tweets complaining about an impeachment inquiry launched against him last week by the House Judiciary Committee, and he suggested Congress look at Obama's business since he left the White House.

....work that way. I have a better idea. Look at the Obama Book Deal, or the ridiculous Netflix deal. Then look at all the deals made by the Dems in Congress, the “Congressional Slush Fund,” and lastly the IG Reports. Take a look at them. Those investigations would be over FAST!

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Is the Trump administration squelching a whistleblower — and a major scandal?

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America's system of government has always worked on the honor system. With so few Senate-confirmed Cabinet and federal agency heads, and so many “acting” officials working in the Trump administration, people who are constantly forced to audition for permanent positions are now under tremendous pressure to protect a president hellbent on breaking every norm of good governance. Now a new possible political scandal could be brewing in the Trump administration that tests the loyalty of these “acting” officials — pitting their allegiance to the nation against their desire to impress their boss.

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