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‘The news was a snooze before me!’: Comedy Central nails the ‘symbiotic’ relationship between Trump and the media

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This week’s episode of “The President Show” on Comedy Central was a special holiday edition, in which President Donald Trump claimed that the media was nothing without him. Reluctantly, the media agreed that they have him to thank for soaring profits and subscriptions.

The segment begins with a fake story “Trump” invents about “snowflake land” full of liberals. They ultimately get coal dumped on them.

“That was not a true story!” exclaimed a Maggie Haberman-type reporter sitting in the Oval Office. “You do this all the time! You claim you’re going to give the press something of substance, and all you give us is corporate propaganda. When are you going to become presidential?”

“Fine,” Trump acquiesces. “I got something presidential for you. Big banks are ISIS because Hillary Pocahontas sold uranium to Matt Lauer!”

The reporter rolled her eyes with frustration.

“You just spout random words and hope they make sense!” she said.

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“No! I don’t hope they make sense!” Trump admitted. He then tells her she isn’t nice and thus he’s kicking her out and reneging on the exclusive interview. She begged him not to back out.

“Look at that. You don’t want to leave. See, you got to be nice to me if you want access,” Trump says in a creepy voice walking over closer to her. “That’s the way things work around here.”

She bursts into song calling him a crook, liar and sexual harasser.

“Ain’t it the truth?” Trump admits. “The news was a snooze before you found me. I’m every ornament on your Christmas tree. On December 25the when you unwrap your presents, you remember whose chaos paid for those gifts. We need each other like a barnacle needs a boat. We need each other like a parasite needs a host.”

Watch the clip below:

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Trump biographer mocks president for humiliating foreign policy ‘triple fail’

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Trump biographer Timothy O'Brien on Monday published a column for Bloomberg in which he mocked the president for suffering a humiliating foreign policy "triple fail" that exposed his presidency's biggest weaknesses.

In his column, O'Brien pointed out that Trump's threats of major actions against Mexico and Iran never amounted to anything, while also noting that the president backed off his plans to begin the mass deportations of undocumented immigrants.

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Trump star vandal arrested for Marilyn statue theft in Hollywood

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A man convicted of vandalizing President Donald Trump's sidewalk star in Hollywood last summer has been arrested for stealing a statue of Marilyn Monroe from a nearby monument.

Austin Clay, 25, was identified by police from video surveillance footage.

Having discovered that he was on parole after a conviction for damaging Trump's star on the famous Hollywood "Walk of Fame," investigators searched his home Friday.

According to local media reports, they found evidence linking him to the theft of the statue.

The statue itself -- showing Monroe in her famous flying skirt pose from "The Seven Year Itch" (1955) -- has not been found.

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How the New York Times creates credibility for Trump

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There’s a good reason why the Times decided against running on its front page news of the latest woman to accuse the president of rape. The Times still does journalism the way it always has. It gives people in power the never-ending benefit of the doubt.

When you are willing to give people in power the benefit of the doubt no matter how many times they have proven they are unworthy of that benefit, it’s not all that important when the 16th person comes forward credibly to accuse Donald Trump of anything, even if, in the case of columnist E. Jean Carroll, the allegation is rape.

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