Watch Stephen Colbert eviscerate 'Ruby Tuesday waiter' Brett Kavanaugh: 'Let me clear these rights away'
Stephen Colbert (Photo: Screen capture)

"Late Show" host Stephen Colbert was proud that he scored a major bingo on his President Donald Trump Supreme Court nomination card.


"As oyu can see, all of the squares say, 'white guy,'" Colbert joked Tuesday evening. The CBS host said that he was already skeptical of the nominee because his first name is Brett. "That sounds less like a Supreme Court Justice and more like a waiter at Ruby Tuesday's. 'Hi! I'm Brett. I'll be your Supreme Court Justice tonight. Before you sit down, let me just clear these rights away for you.'"

He read off Mr. Kavanaugh's biography and said that the nominee went to Georgetown Prepatory School, which is the same place Neil Gorsuch went.

"Which explains why Kavanaugh was voted 'Second most likely to repeal Roe v. Wade,'" Colbert joked, a little on the nose

He went on to mock Kavanaugh for touting his pro-lady past of having a mother, marrying a woman, having daughters and employing women.

"I own three Indigo Girls' albums. The good ones," Colbert said. "My favorite boat is named after a woman. I have my traveling pants. I eat Jamie Lee Curtis' poop yogurt. (It makes you poop. It's not made of poop. OK."

Colbert also brought up the 2009 op-ed in which Kavanaugh wrote that Congress should pass a law exempting the president from any kind of prosecution.

"Hummmmm. A little late, but hummm," Colbert said. "So, Trump picked the guy who thinks presidents shouldn't be prosecuted! That's like Steph Curry picking the ref. And the ref has previously ruled, 'Warriors number one! Whoo!'"

Kavanaugh wrote in the case that the job as president is hard enough as it is, they don't need litigation haunting them at the same time.

"So, he thinks the president should be above the law because his job is hard?" Colbert asked. "In that case, I say moms of three or more kids ought to be able to murder at will." He called it a new movie "The Purge: Mother's Day" with the slogan, "Wake up, Daddy, you're dead."

Another concerning case was one in which Kavanaugh talked about the Second Amendment. In a 2011 decision, he found the Constitution protects ownership of semiautomatic weapons because, "semiautomatic rifles, like semiautomatic handguns, have not traditionally been banned and are in common use by law-abiding citizens."

"Just because something is in common use doesn't mean it's OK!" Colbert exclaimed. "For a while, lawn darts were in common use by law-abiding citizens, but then we banned them because kids came down with a bad case of spike head."

Watch the full clip below: