Quantcast
Connect with us

Here are 33 jaw-droppingly stupid multiple-choice test questions used by Christian homeschoolers

This is what happens when you leave education to people for whom religious conversion is everything and learning is a distant afterthought.

Published

on

- Commentary

Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is a fundamentalist curriculum founded in Texas in 1970. It started as a program for private Christian day schools, but it has been hugely successful among conservative home schoolers. Today, ACE claims it is used in “6,000 schools and thousands of home educators in over 140 countries.” It’s also used in government-funded voucher programs in several US states.

ACE has always taken its fundamentalism very seriously. In his 1979 book Rebirth of Our Nation ACE’s founder Donald Howard wrote, “Fundamentalism is intellectually sound. It has always prevailed in periods of great intellectual enlightenment. It is the only sound an logical solution to the existence of the universe… I am a fundamentalist. If I can be any more fundamental than fundamental, that is what I want to be.” Today, ACE views imparting these fundamental beliefs into children as its primary purpose.

Howard later wrote “We do not build Christian schools primarily to give a child the best education nor to teach him how to make a good living. Teaching him how to live and to love and serve God are our primary tasks.”

He wasn’t kidding.

I went to an ACE school for almost four years. By the time I left, I was certain that it was against God’s will for governments to provide healthcare, evolution was a conspiracy to destroy Christianity, parents were morally required to spank their children, and science could prove that homosexuality was wrong. But worst of all was the feeling uneducated; I still struggle with self-conscious fears about gaps in my learning. ACE workbooks consist of simplistic fill-in-the-blank and multiple choice questions. And these questions are often hilariously, spectacularly bad.

ADVERTISEMENT

4th grade (9-10 years old)

Science 1045 4th ed tasty milk


Science 1047 fish skin


Science 1047 celsius bible

ADVERTISEMENT


Science 1045 a brown car


Science 1048 cookies

But no special women, obviously.

ADVERTISEMENT


They’re particularly strong when it comes to people…

Science 1048 Franceso Redi


Science 1048 Louis Pasteur

ADVERTISEMENT


Social Studies 1046 4th ed 4


SS 1047 counsel


Social Studies 1045 4th Ed Dry ducks
Two. Dry. Ducks.

ADVERTISEMENT


Social Studies 1046 4th ed 3


There’s a bloody picture!

Social Studies 1046 donkey supplies

ADVERTISEMENT

7th grade (12-13 years old)

SS 1073 4th ed Journalism


SS 1074 worship leaders


SS 1075 touch lives piano tutor

IMPORTANT: The correct answer, for those puzzled, is piano tutors. It’s not that ACE doesn’t believe that sports coaches or librarians can touch students’ lives. The point is that the exact sentence “Piano tutors can touch the lives of their students” has previously appeared in the PACE, and the student is expected to remember this. Verbatim regurgitation of previously seen material is the entire point of the ACE system.


SS1077 4th ed coast guard


SS 1076 homemaker

ACE never uses female pronouns in PACEs. Everyone is male… until they start talking about homemakers.

ADVERTISEMENT


SS 1076 doctor


9th grade (14-15 years old)

SS106 Darwin's book

The title is actually On the Origin of Species…

ADVERTISEMENT


From a history PACE on the discovery and colonisation of America:

SS 104 Lief Eriksen


SS 103 man or god

ADVERTISEMENT


SS 99 alphabet FUCK


SS 105 Bloody Mary


SS99 Socrates

ADVERTISEMENT


SS 107 Jimmy Carter


SS 107 Mohammed Ali


Biology 1107 hitler

Ah, the old Darwin-caused-Hitler implication again.


12th grade (17-18 years old)

English 1135 soliloquy


English 1135 Macbeth

Um, I might have been getting a bit irritated by the time I got to that last one.

I found plenty more 12th grade questions with no plausible distractors, but none of them made me laugh. Stuff like this:

Screen Shot 2013-12-04 at 12.13.00

Mind you, by this point, it’s all starting to seem less funny.


Report typos and corrections to [email protected].
READ COMMENTS - JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

‘Washington is no longer functional’: Brian Williams admits he’s sad to report that ‘our government is broken’

Published

on

MSNBC anchor Brian Williams on Tuesday reported that America's federal government is broken.

"This was day 908 of the Trump Administration and while there is no joy in it, one way of summing up today is this: Our government’s broken, our politics are broken, Washington is no longer functional, and the cracks in our society are deepening," Williams reported.

"Much of this day was taken up by the discussion of racist statements by the president. Then tonight came the news that had so many people thinking back to when we were different, the death just tonight of retired Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens at the age of 99," he said.

Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

Trump ignored being condemned by Congress and instead praised Republicans on Twitter for defending his racism

Published

on

President Donald Trump celebrated on Tuesday night despite the House of Representatives having voted earlier in the day to condemn his racist statements.

By a final vote of 240 to 187, Congress voted for a resolution saying, "Trump’s racist comments have legitimized fear and hatred of new Americans and people of color.”

The resolution said Congress “strongly condemns President Donald Trump’s racist comments that have legitimized and increased fear and hatred of new Americans and people of color by saying that our fellow Americans who are immigrants, and those who may look to the President like immigrants, should “go back” to other countries, by referring to immigrants and asylum seekers as “invaders,” and by saying that Members of Congress who are immigrants (or those of our colleagues who are wrongly assumed to be immigrants) do not belong in Congress or in the United States of America.”

Continue Reading
 

Breaking Banner

The tortured madness of Donald Trump: It’s clear the president is out of his mind

Published

on

Where’s Shakespeare when we need him? Only the Bard of Avon could do literary justice to the tortured madness of Donald Trump, who fluctuates between petulant self-pity and weird self-praise.

His brags are especially weird because they usually involve achievements he hasn’t made. It’s as though his saying something makes it true — even though everyone except his most naive devotees can clearly see that he’s either hallucinating or lying. In June, for example, at a rally launching his reelection campaign, he retrumpeted an old campaign promise to “drain the swamp,” assuring the adoring crowd that “that’s exactly what we’re doing right now.”

Continue Reading
 
 
 

Copyright © 2019 Raw Story Media, Inc. PO Box 21050, Washington, D.C. 20009 | Masthead | Privacy Policy | For corrections or concerns, please email [email protected]

close-image