President Donald Trump has worked diligently to capitalize off of his campaign and presidency with extensively branded merch that MAGA fans flock to purchase.
This holiday season, the staples of a Trump shirt or a MAGA hat are typical stocking stuffers for the obsessed Trumpster, but there’s a whole world of Etsy-designed gifts and bad swag-crafts that are worth a chuckle.
Check them out below:
1. Trumpy Bear
When the stuffed bear with a red tie and orange troll-hair hit the market, people wondered if it was a fake commercial created by Saturday Night Live. But, alas, it’s real. Commercials encourage men to buy one for their ladies to cuddle with, perhaps because the bear is less likely to sexually assault her.
A great way to spice up this gift, however, could be turning the Trumpy Bear into a NannyCam and slipping a hidden camera into it. Then you too can capture encounters with Russian prostitutes!
2. Ugly Christmas sweater with Trump on it
What’s a holiday without an ugly Christmas sweater? And what could be more hilarious and humiliating then a sweater saying “Build that wall?”
3. Trump metal lunchbox — perfect for fruitcake!
While there aren’t any metal MAGA tins that you can order fruitcake in, that doesn’t mean you can’t wrap up a piece of fruitcake and give it to your fruitcake family member in a Trump lunchbox.
4. The Trump Toaster.
Trump might not yet be toast, but toast could be Trump. While your MAGA family member might love the idea of eating the president, you can enjoy smearing jam over his face every time you visit!
5. The musk of The Donald
Sitting around all day eating McDonald’s, drinking Diet Coke and watching Fox News can probably make people a little smelly if they don’t clean up. Perhaps your right-wing family members can cover up their scent of laziness with the musk of Trump. Whether it’s Empire or Success, they can spritz like the pros. One Empire package deal comes with a black duffel bag, perfect for carrying large sums of cash for bribes!
6. “I really don’t care, do you” jacket:
If there’s one thing that sent Americans into a tailspin it was the jacket first lady Melania Trump wore while leaving Texas after surveying hurricane damage. “I really don’t care, do you?” was a message the Trump administration nailed at an expert level.
7. Trump Chia Pet
A Trump pet that can grow hair faster than the president! Chia pet has done a presidential Chia statue for a few presidents now, but growing Trump hair has a special element of hilarity.
8. Trump soap
Wash away your sins with the head of the president. Yup, that’s right, your right-wing relative can use Trump’s face to clean his pits and when you visit you can shove his nose wherever you need to get clean.
There’s even a Trump’s tiny hands soap option, which could be perfect for a conservative’s powder bath. Remember, having small hands doesn’t mean germs don’t matter.
9. Trump Easy Button
Instead of a big red button saying “That was easy,” you could have a big red button saying Trump phrases in his actual voice! Sadly, there isn’t a “no collusion” phrase on the button. Perhaps next year there can be one.
You can also purchase a button that just says “fake news,” which is perfect for the White House reporter in your life. Can you imagine a press room full of those buttons going off at random times?
10. The Putin Plug
He’s screwing over the United States, so why not make it pleasurable. For your Trump family members with active sex lives, you too can shove Putin “where the sun don’t shine.” Hutchtastic was working on a prototype for the Trump phallus, but doesn’t seem to be for sale yet. Hopefully it’ll be ready in time for the indictment parties.