imageJonah Goldberg calls Barack Obama a 21st century slavemaster. Actually, to be fair, he uses a clever allegory that requires much hyperventilating on my part to reach my totally unreasonable point:

There's a weird irony at work when Sen. Barack Obama, the black presidential candidate who will allegedly scrub the stain of racism from the nation, vows to run afoul of the constitutional amendment that abolished slavery.

For those who don't remember, the 13th Amendment says: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime ... shall exist within the United States."

See? I can't believe I'm...taking...this...

He just called a man, let alone a black man, a slavedriver. Does this mean that Barack Obama's newest middle name is "Massa"?

There is one benefit to Goldberg's idiotic penchant for selling every point he makes with the most offensively wrong analogy possible - he's about 75% of the way towards Ann Coulter's flameout into utter irrelevance, and he's only published one book. This accusation is because Barack Obama proposes a program of national service. And after building up a case for national service as slavery that had never been done with such care, what does he end the piece with?

No, national service isn't slavery.

The main reason he has to admit this is because he lapses awkwardly into a discussion of how both John McCain and George W. Bush support such programs, meaning that we're either headed for a nation run by plantation bosses who want us to fetch the national lemonade, or his actual point - that national service offends his ethic of receiving ideological welfare for his hard work of being born and not drinking industrial cleaner instead of Gatorade. Really, dude, stop storing them next to each other.

And no, Jonah Goldberg isn't a serial rapist. See how fun that is?