He No Like Buckeye! Kill His Face!
Midwesterners, good-hearted folk we are, are not so incredibly fucking stupid as to think that someone thinking their football team could beat ours is reason for them to lose our vote. If you’re a genuine sports fan, you’d rather have someone who believes in their team rather than hops on whatever bandwagon comes along.
Especially with this Buckeyes team…
On a similar topic, I’m going bowling tonight. I fully expect to suck at it, and I also expect any credibility I have as a political candidate to be flushed down the drain, because the entire Midwestern tribe passes around names of those who should be shunned for bowling under 150.
I don’t know what idiot tribe of meaningless cultural distinctions everyone between Philadelphia and Las Vegas is supposed to belong to, but nobody actually does. It’s entirely the construction of media elites and conservative political hacks deciding that the only valuable things we have in our lives are our food, our beer and our sports, and if anyone dares mess with any of those things, they will be summarily burned in effigy outside of our local butcher. It’s a special fetish of the right in particular – come up with any sacred idol in our cultural religion of self-worship, and then declare that Democrats have profaned it. The problem, however, is that when we have real things to care about, all of a sudden the guy who ate a double gut-buster burger incorrectly kind of looks like a guy eating a goddamn sandwich rather than an agent of al-Qaeda.