Fruit flies, post-abortion syndrome, and other adventures in wingnut hostility to science
Apparently, Sarah Palin’s mocking fruit fly research in her stump speeches about those horrible earmarks that escape during the middle of the night to molest children and use up the last part of your toilet paper roll without replacing it. As Kevin Berger notes, anyone with a 5th grade education should be able to realize that “fruit fly” is pretty much a huge red flag that the research is genetic research.* Hostility to genetic research is really rich coming from Palin, whose mystique for the wingnut base wouldn’t really be possible without it. After all, if there wasn’t a process of genetically testing fetuses for abnormalities, Palin wouldn’t have found out that her baby was going to be born with Down’s syndrome, and then wouldn’t have had the choice to consider abortion, and then wouldn’t have been able to carry on and secure her status as an anti-choice martyr. Her ingratitude to the scientists who developed genetic testing should be a reminder of the giant hypocrisies to come if stem cell research turns up any treatments. I have zero doubt that the same people hollering about how stem cells are little bitty babies will be lining up to be injected with little bitty babies should they require it to treat or even cure a debilitating illness. And therefore these idiots can rail against science, because they know that the pro-science side is ethically bound to ensure services for everyone. You don’t have to sign a statement refusing to protest women’s clinics before you get an abortion—no, you can sneak in one day and be back screaming about baby killers in front of the clinic the next. A long-standing opposition to stem cell research won’t mean that anyone will be refused life-saving treatments that come from it.
Remember how wingnuts were wailing a few weeks ago because the South Carolina Democratic party chair said Sarah Palin was picked because she didn’t have an abortion? In that time, the argument has turned to, “Vote McCain/Palin. Because she didn’t have an abortion, unlike you crazy sluts.” Seriously, the National Review published an article claiming that the nation has turned on Sarah Palin not because she’s a paranoid right wing nut who hates the majority of us because we’re not “real” Americans, but because she didn’t have an abortion and we’re all feeling pangs of regret over those crazy abortion parties.
To be fair, there is often a lot of post-abortion party regret, but most of it has to do with the overconsumption of wine, microbrews, and arugula. There’s not enough lattes in the world to wake you up after an abortion party that got out of control.
This article is so laden will bullshit that it’s become a vortex of bullshit, pulling bullshit from neighboring National Review articles to increase its bullshit density. Kevin Burke clearly thinks that the rest of the nation, when they see Sarah Palin, sees her as he does: A walking womb, someone whose entire existence can be summed up as, “She didn’t have an abortion.” The rest of us—who apparently have abortions all the time—feel bad when we cast our eyes on Saint Sarah. Burke believes not only that there is something called “post-abortion syndrome”,** but that society as a whole has a collective version of it. And that this “post-abortion syndrome” completely owns our brains to the degree that we can’t even stand to look at Sarah Palin, because she reminds us of that one night we got really carried away at the abortion party.
On the other hand, at least he’s not saying feminists are just jealous of Palin because we can’t get Bill Bennett to celebrate our prongability. It’s just because we all secretly wish that we could give up the abortion habit and try having a baby for once. (Because being pro-choice and being a mother are mutually exclusive.) Granted, he doesn’t exactly state that, but it’s implied. But Burke’s got a program to help you kick your addiction to abortion. The cure is to have a problem pregnancy or unwanted pregnancy and refuse to abort. Sure, some women will die from preeclampsia, but sure better than being alive and able to vote for Democrats, a sure symptom that you’re suffering from “post-abortion syndrome”. If you yourself can’t manage to have a problem pregnancy, then have a daughter and pray nightly that she gets pregnant so you can, um, counsel her to choose life. This also will cure you from “post-abortion syndrome”. Remember, you don’t have to actually feel any regret over your abortions to have “post-abortion syndrome”—just rest assured that Burke has your number. Hell, you don’t even need to have ever gotten an abortion to have “post-abortion syndrome”. Just trust that even though you have no symptoms of this made-up disease that has been thoroughly discredited, if you have a uterus and you’re pro-choice, you have it. Burke doesn’t need to have evidence or training or knowledge or the ability to think his way out of a paper bag for you ladies to trust him on this. He has a penis, and he’s smarter than you, and that’s all you need to know. That some of you ladies start making noises about scientific proof as a better source of knowledge than male authority just shows why it’s all the more important for the federal government to cut science funding and move into the area of making any science not related to weapons development illegal.
Now, go vote McCain/Palin, because that’s a new, approved way to cure yourself of “post-abortion syndrome” without having to have a problem pregnancy or a pregnant teenaged daughter yourself. Hell, if you can do this for him, he’ll grant you leniency from being rediagnosed should you have an abortion in the future.
*You should read the whole one page article. It turns out the research is far from useless, and is an attempt to save the U.S. olive and olive oil market. Not very “energy independent” to champion steps that would require the U.S. to import even more food. Shit, even moose-chomping rednecks eat olive oil (and arugula) at this point.
**Dealt with in this video that addresses many anti-choice lies, including the existence of “post-abortion syndrome”.