It’s Not Obama, It’s Memorex
The conservative blogosphere is fucking obsessed with Obama tapes this year. Every time Obama is doing well, there’s a new tape that shows him assaulting our core American values. For instance:
1.) The Michelle Obama “whitey” tape. It’s still never been shown to exist, despite having allegedly been in the hands of dozens of different people, all of whom have heard it.
2.) Larry Sinclair’s limo sex drug tape, hilariously recounted on YouTube near the radiator of a Motel 6.
3.) The Odinga tape showing Obama endorsing him…and giving off subliminal messages for all the radical Islamofascist socialists to bomb our daycares.
4.) The redistribution tape showing Obama not saying that redistribution is a good or desirable thing for courts to do, and therefore stealing Joe the Plumber’s baby.
5.) The API Michelle Obama interview tape, in which she is supposed to just say a bunch of crazy shit for no apparent reason to a news source that nobody’s ever heard of. The same crazy-ass news source is now saying that David Axelrod is offering three million dollars to ensure that this tape never gets out, which sucks for him because the tape was already sold to Fox News (all but six minutes of it, which I assume is just a long-winded scatological rant about white babies).
6.) The Khalidi tape which is supposed to show Obama calling the Israelis genocidal monsters and then, in the vein of every other tape, calling white babies ugly and then stealing their candies from their grubby cracker hands.
I’m sure there are also a couple of tapes I’m missing, too. Why are conservatives are so focused on this preponderance of secret tapes, though? I’m sure most of it has to do with the “bitter” tape from the winter, assuming that the last solid blow to land on Obama can be constantly relived through vague innuendo and lots of fairy tale wishing that another tape will be produced by some shining white knight who’ll unleash it on an unsuspecting yet socialist-hating populace who haven’t yet been given the proper reason to shit their pants over the coming Obamist secular theocracy.
All I know is that if I want to say something crazy, I’m having Barack Obama say it on tape – that motherfucker will never come out.