Brace yourself. Prepare to be more surprised than you've ever been. You may want to take a prophylactic valium before this one, because the pure shock may cause heart palpitations.

Are you ready?

Here it is:


Got your breath back yet? Good. I mean, you'd think, what with all the potential adoptive parents just desperate for your little zygotic future Ted Nugent John Lennon, you'd think that groups like the Catholic Center for Law and Policy would be screaming it from the hilltops. Unless...and stay with me here, this is a bumpy ride...unless the number of unadopted kids is screamingly high and the "We need your baby for adoption" is simply a cunning stunt ruse!

But based on a combination of sources, the number of new potential adoptees actually outpaces the number of adoptions by about 12.5%! Which may not seem like much, but probably seems pretty painful to the 7,000 best-guess unadopted kids we're adding to the population each year. If only there were some method available to us which would reduce the population of kids in foster care, while still allowing our desperate adoptive parents some remedy to their childlessness! Some sort of combination of preventative and corrective measures which would decrease the birth rate to those who are not interested in raising a child, the group which, it would logically follow, would also be most likely to add more children to the 12.5% who want to be adopted but must live in foster care.

As an adopted child who is at least as useful to society as Newt Gingrich, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If you have an existential crisis when you consider what might have happened if your birth parents had aborted you, you should probably sue your adoptive parents for raising you with either way too much, or way too little, self-esteem.