Months from now the Psycho shower-scene “screee-screee-screee” presidential campaign of Cara Carleton “Carly” Fiorina will just be an unpleasant memory that can hopefully be repressed with an incoming Clinton presidency combined with three or nine cinnamon appletinis — or whatever the hell the kids are drinking these days.
This story first ran on January 16, 2016
To her credit Carly has outlasted former governors Rick Perry, Bobby Jindal and Scott Walker, to say nothing of former New York governor George Pataki whose campaign was doomed due of the fact that nobody had anything to say about him, good, bad or indifferent. In a GOP competition dripping with bloody red meat for the slavering masses, he was a sprig of parsley that fell off the plate.
- That time Carly Fiorina swore ‘Ted Cruz cannot possibly beat Hillary Clinton’
- Twitter tees off on Fiorina joining Cruz — and her singing: ‘Every plant in my house just died’
In the cases of Jindal and Perry, each man’s failure to launch can be attributed to a video that lingers ever so slightly in the memory; Perry’s inability to count to three and Jindal’s cornpone goofball response to the 2009 State of the Union. Bye, guys. Enjoy the private sector.
After Fiorina mercifully withdraws from the 2016 GOP presidential field to return to her Virginia estate (where she will make snotty comments to “the help” as the Household Founder/CEO/Chairman of the Board and Queen of All She Surveys — Goddammit ) she will be remembered for several video clips because she is an overachiever.
One thing that has become perfectly obvious, and was only hinted at during her equally-doomed California senate run in 2010, is that Carly does not take well to being challenged. No, mam, she does not. Nope. Not at all. Just ask the HP board that chose to give her $21 million to not work for them anymore and ruin the company.
Even when Carly is behaving herself and using her “not in front of the company, we’ll talk later!” voice, her raptor grin can’t detract from her narrowing eyes that hold the promise that she will “cut a bitch, any bitch” once the door to the green room closes.
But when “There goes Snarly Carly” is unleashed on camera — it’s video magic.
As I mentioned before, Carly gave us a taste of Carly-to-come when she was caught on a hot mic during her 2010 senate run against Barbara Boxer, that was pure ….well, I’m sure she would now call it: “So yesterday.”