Colbert rips NRA-worshiping Senate: My dog accomplished more when it rolled over and licked its nuts
“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert took his anger to the people Tuesday night, when he crafted a freestyle trashing the inaction of the U.S. Senate.
“We all have jobs to do,” Colbert told his audience. “I’m doing my job right now and I’ve got these cameras here to prove it. After the attacks in Orlando, I thought, maybe the government might do their job and pass any kind of law. Even a fig leaf to justify their existence.”
He said that he owed himself an apology for thinking something like that might actually happen. Instead of passing a bill, the Senate voted down four measures aimed to help close loopholes that allowed the Orlando shooter access to the weapons used in the mass shooting.
Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) held the floor in a 15-hour filibuster aimed to force a vote on these bills. However, all of them failed. Most news outlets reported that the bills were expected to fail, in large part, due to the Republican majority.
“They couldn’t even agree to keep people on the terror watch list from buying high-powered assault rifles,” Colbert blasted. “I don’t understand you, Senate. Ninety-two percent of Americans want you to expand background checks for gun buyers and you just ignore them! Since when does 8 percent of the population get to have total control over an issue? That’s like taking your entire family on a cross-country car trip and letting grandma choose all the music!”
Colbert acknowledged that it’s likely difficult to find common ground on an issue he called “politically fraught” but decided it was time to take the gloves off.
“Hey, Senate, my dog accomplished more than you this week when it rolled over and licked its nuts,” Colbert said, with a beat-track playing behind him.
“Hey, Senate, I’ve seen bugs trapped in amber move faster than you!” he continued. “You guys think the terrorist watch list is when you put ‘Homeland’ on your Netflix que. You might as well ask the gun lobby to check for a hernia as long as they’ve got your balls in their hands. Senate, you couldn’t pass a bill if it was coated in Ex-Lax. But if you ever did pass a bill it would say, ‘Be it resolved, no kissing and the NRA should just leave the money on the dresser.”
Colbert went on to say that the Senate accomplished so little this year that even Kylie Jenner wants to know what they do for a living. “Senate, you got more old white men lying around than a Life Alert ad. You’re so divided, you couldn’t come together if you had 30 hours and a reacharound from Sting. You’re like a grandpa after an all-starch dinner, you cannot get sh*t done.”
Colbert said that he was still upset, but at least the series of verbal punches made him feel a little bit better. Check out the full video below: