As a member of the National Rifle Association (NRA), there are many ways to fulfill your patriotic duty and defend American freedoms: Short-circuit the democratic process by buying off the entire GOP establishment; threaten to shoot elected lawmakers; or sit on your ass and guzzle expensive wines delivered to you from “hidden, tucked-away vineyards.”
“Support the NRA with every sip!” reads the website for the NRA Wine Club. “NRA members, in fact, get a special deal. “Exclusive First-Time Offer Offer for NRA Members:4 Exceptional Wines for Just $29.99*—Save Over $84!”
In their brave stand against ISIS, Hillary Clinton, PC culture and Sharia Law, freedom’s foot soldiers might one day be forced to make the ultimate sacrifice. But in the meantime, there’s no need to sacrifice good taste! “Does this sound familiar?” asks the site, chronicling the many wine-related problems faced by NRA members:
“The wine I picked from the store tasted bad.” Better or worse than tyranny?
“Should I get the 2010 or the 2009?” Who cares? All of freedom ended in 2008.
“It takes me forever to decide which wine to get.” Unlike the amount of time it takes to purchase a semi-automatic rifle, which is literally seven minutes.
“There’s nothing good available in my area.” Thanks, Sharia law.
“Is this cab any good or should I get that pinot?” The eternal struggle.
Defenders of our inalienable right to own military weapons capable of mowing down dozens of people in minutes appear highly satisfied with their wine club.
“I am pleased with the first shipment of wines. I am pleased that I joined your club! I look forward to many happy years together :-)” says one woman.
Another Freedom Warrior declares: “Never again will I arrive at a dinner party or at a friend’s house without a bottle or two of fine wine in hand. Thank you, Vinesse! Cheers!”
To be fair, many NRA members are more moderate than the NRA’s leadership. But, you know, the leadership are the people guiding the discourse and obstructing gun reform and doing things like blaming “political correctness” for massacres.