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Here are 9 things we hope Donald Trump plagiarizes in his RNC speech

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Given Melania Trump’s surprising choice to plagiarize Michelle Obama, we have high hopes that The Donald will lift some language of his own when he accepts the nomination from the Republican party tonight. Below are some works Trump would do well to incorporate into his historic speech.

1. “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” – Hannibal Lecter, Silence of he Lambs. 

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2. Here Comes the Hotstepper, iNi Kamoze.

Here comes the hot stepper, murderer
I’m the lyrical gangster, murderer
Pick up the crew in-a de area, murderer
Still love you like that, murderer…

No no we don’t die, yes we multiply..

Extraordinary, juice like a strawberry
Money to burn baby, all of the time…
Come juggle with me,
I say every time

Start like a jackrabbit,
finish in front of it
On the night is jack, that’s it, understand?
I’m the daddy of the mack daddy
His are left in gold, maybe
Ain’t no homie gonna play me, top celebrity man

3. “If you prick us, do we not bleed?” Shylock, Merchant of Venice.

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I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.

4.”I could show you incredible things,” Taylor Swift, Blank Space.

‘Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
It’ll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
But I’ve got a blank space baby
And I’ll write your name

I could show you incredible things
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You’re the king baby I’m your Queen
Wait the worst is yet to come, oh no
Screaming, crying, perfect storm
I can make all the tables turn
Rose gardens filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing…
But you’ll come back each time you leave
‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

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5. “I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” Lieutenant Colonel  William “Bill” Kilgore, Apocalypse Now. 

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You smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like victory.

6. He’s a Cold Hearted Snake, Paula Abdul.

If Trump is unable to resists the urge to mock Ted “Lying Ted” Cruz over his jeers-inducing digs during his non-endorsement, he’d be wise to borrow some of the lyrics from this 1989 hit by Paula Abdul.

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He’s a coldhearted snake lookin into his eyes
Oh, oh he’s been telling lies

7.  Just a Kiss, Lady Antebellum

The Donald may feel the need to explain the awkward air kiss he kind of landed on his running mate Mike Pence. This song could provide him with some good material.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don’t want to mess this thing up
I don’t want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life
So baby I’m alright, with just a kiss goodnight

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8. Father Figure, George Michael

This is THE perfect song for Trump to steal from right after his daughter Ivanka introduces him. Ideally, he would deliver these words after he hugs her and right before she exits the stage. Holding her, he can say,

I will be your father figure
(Oh baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine
(I’d love to)
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)
I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
I will be the one who loves you
‘Til the end of time

9. “Ain’t I a woman,” Sojourner Truth.

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The Donald will want to go out on a bang tonight with an unbelievable speech, a tremendous speech, folks. It’s gonna be terrific. This truly historic man should use this truly historic speech, which abolitionist and former slave Sojourner Truth. delivered at the 1851 Women’s Convention. The fact that Truth was speaking in Ohio (Akron) makes it especially appropriate for Trump to use in Cleveland. The speech also has an elegant ending, which will enable Trump to wrap up nicely. 

Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that ‘twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what’s all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? Look at me!

I have borne thirteen children… And ain’t I a woman?

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain’t got nothing more to say.

 


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Trump supporters lose their minds when church shows Nativity scene in immigrant cages

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MAGA supporters are losing their minds after a photo of the Nativity scene at Claremont United Methodist Church was posted to Facebook.

The scene depicts Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus separated and put in their own cages, a reference to the families separated at the U.S.-Mexico border. Inside the church, the family is shown as reunited.

Senior minister Karen Clark Ristine shared the image on Facebook with the message hoping that everyone in the United States could see the photo and read the story for Christmas.

"The theological statement posted with the nativity: In a time in our country when refugee families seek asylum at our borders and are unwillingly separated from one another, we consider the most well-known refugee family in the world," she wrote. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, the Holy Family. Shortly after the birth of Jesus, Joseph and Mary were forced to flee with their young son from Nazareth to Egypt to escape King Herod, a tyrant. They feared persecution and death."

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Columnist nails Republicans for only caring about Hunter Biden now that his father is running for president

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One of the critical questions that must be answered by Republicans, according to one Washington Post columnist, is why they didn't care about Hunter Biden's position at Burisma for so many years.

In a Sunday piece, James Downie asked why Republicans didn't do anything about Hunter Biden five years ago when it was first revealed that vice president's son was on the board of a Ukraine energy company. The House and the Senate were being run by Republicans until this year. They haven't had problems with other partisan investigations against high-profile leaders. There were ten investigations into the Benghazi attacks, three hearings, 29 witnesses, and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testified for 11 hours. Yet, it was only after Joe Biden announced he was running against President Donald Trump that Republicans discovered an issue.

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Republican staffer caught spying on Democrats during Judiciary Committee meetings

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A Republican staffer from the Ways and Means committee was caught spying on Democrats during their work over the weekend.

According to a Judiciary Committee source, the female staffer was ultimately discovered and ran out of the committee room once it was discovered she was there, tweeted Olivia Beavers, a writer at "The Hill."

"A Judiciary source says the committee, which has been practicing for their Monday impeachment hearing this whole weekend, came across a female GOP Ways and Means staffer in the hearing room today, but that she ran out once discovered," she tweeted.

https://twitter.com/Olivia_Beavers/status/1203784487559213056

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