Stephen Colbert tromped out to a cabin in the woods to find Jon Stewart on last night’s “Late Show,” in hopes that the former “Daily Show” host could explain how Donald Trump came to pass.
Putting aside his chi kombucha, Colbert invited his friend in for some kale jerky, but desperately begged him to forego his beard care to explain how Donald Trump became the Republican nominee for president.
Stewart played dumb, pretending he didn’t know Trump was the nominee and after a hilarious spit-take wondered how the hell it happened. “The guy from ‘The Apprentice?’ The guy who did a McDonald’s commercial with Grimace? The guy who filed for bankruptcy in 1991?” Stewart asked.
“And ’92,” Colbert said.
“And 2004,” Stewart continued.
“And 2009,” Colbert followed.
“Mike Tyson’s business advisor? That guy?” Stewart asked. “The guy whose eyes look like tiny versions of his mouth.”
“The guy who looks like an angry creamsicle,” Colbert clarified.
“Human toupee hybrid.”
“A guy who looks like he’s actually wearing a Donald Trump costume?” Stewart asked.
“A loose-fitting one at that!” Colbert joked.
“The guy who wrote, and I quote, ‘Oftentimes, when I was sleeping with one of the top women of the world, I would say to myself, ‘can you believe what I am getting.’ That guy?” Stewart asked.
“Yes! The same guy who said, and I quote, ‘I have black guys counting my money. I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yamakas all day,'” Colbert clarified. “So you can see why I’m here.”
Stewart instead brought out Republican Colbert, who was reprised earlier in the show, but even that character couldn’t believe Trump was the nominee.
Trump approves of North Korea missile tests: ‘I have no problem’ because they’re just ‘short-range missiles’
On Thursday, in conversation with reporters, President Donald Trump said that he had 'no problem' with North Korea's new round of missile tests.
"Short-range missiles, we never made an agreement on that," said Trump. "I have no problem, we'll see what happens, but these are short-range missiles. They're very standard."
The thought that short-range missiles would still be capable of hitting our allies in the region, like South Korea and Japan, does not seem to have occurred to him.
Trump says he has "no problem" with North Korea testing missiles because they are just "short-range missiles" that are "very standard." pic.twitter.com/fdKtQ6yrBE
Russian Twitter propaganda predicted 2016 US election polls
But one conclusion was unequivocal: Russia unleashed an extensive campaign of fake news and disinformation on social media with the aim of distorting U.S. public opinion, sowing discord and swinging the election in favor of the Republican candidate Donald Trump.
Beto O’Rourke calls for a ‘war tax’ in release of health care plan for veterans
The Democratic presidential candidate uses his eighth policy announcement to focus on an area that he prioritized in Congress.
Democratic presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke on Monday morning released a plan to improve the lives of veterans, returning to an area of priority during his time in the U.S. House for his latest 2020 policy rollout.
In keeping with measures he supported in Congress, the plan calls for a "responsible end" to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan — reinvesting $1 out of every $2 saved in veterans programs — and the creation of a Veterans Health Care Trust Fund for each future war. The fund would be paid for by a "war tax" on households without service members or veterans.