Donald Trump visited a first-grade classroom in Nevada, where he was greeted by a student saying, “I’m nervous, I’m starting to get nervous.”
Stephen Colbert said the girl’s reaction was perfectly reasonable — and not uncommon.
“We all are, sweetie, we all are — can’t be good,” Colbert said. “It is good that that child is memorizing that sentence now because, after President Trump is elected, that will be our pledge of allegiance: I’m starting to get nervous. ‘I’m nervous’ was in all of Trump’s wives’ wedding vows.”
The “Late Show” host said he wasn’t sure why Trump was visiting the children, but he assumed that the Republican presidential nominee might have wanted to borrow a pair of gloves.
Another child told his classmate, “See, I told you his hair wasn’t orange.”
“Oh, kids day the darnedest things,” Colbert said. “No, his skin is what’s orange. His hair is a decomposing prairie dog.”
Trump, at another event in Nevada, asked the terminally ill to hold out a bit longer to cast a vote for him.
“I really think Trump finally found his core demographic — people who won’t be alive for his administration,” Colbert said.
Trump also angered military veterans and their families by suggesting troops who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder are weak, while insisting he respects them, anyway.
Colbert pointed out that Trump never served in the military himself and got out of fighting in Vietnam through a medical deferment.
“He went to a military academy and then served five tours of deferment from Vietnam,” Colbert said. “I mean, he would have loved to have gone, but he had bone spurs in his heel. Have you ever had bone spurs? They’re annoying.”
The real estate developer and reality TV star claimed in 1997 that, although he never fought in a war, he felt like a “brave soldier” after trying to avoid contracting sexually transmitted disease on the 1970s club scene.
“Yes, it’s just like they say in the military: ‘All gave some, some gave all, he got some,” Colbert said.