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‘A turducken of treason’: Samantha Bee rips Nunes memo as ‘fun little fan fiction he wrote in his spare time’

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“Full Frontal” host Samantha Bee on Wednesday slammed Devin Nunes’ (R-CA) anti-FBI memo as “fan fiction,” joking the House Intelligence Committee chairman’s efforts to undermine the Russia investigation is “like a turducken of treason [and] tastes bitter like the ashes of our democracy.”

In her monologue following Donald Trump’s State of the Union address, Bee pointed out the racist undertones of the president’s “appeal” to U.S. citizens.

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“We were also promised that Trump would mention DREAMers and he did, sort of,” Bee said, rolling a clip of the president promising to protect citizens first and foremost because “Americans are DREAMers too.”

“What a beautiful, proud, thoughtful way to say you will only help white people,” Bee said.

She also took issue with descriptors of Trump’s speech as “uplifting,” joking that she found the speech to be glass-half-full, “assuming that glass is half-full of cyanide and I get to drink it.”

After playing a montage of Trump’s “chilling” 2018 policy proposals, Bee offered her own suggestion for fixing the state of the union.

“I’ll pay Stormy Daniels $130,000 to say [Trump] has a big dick and isn’t afraid of sharks so he doesn’t blow up the world,” Bee said.

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Turning to the latest developments in the Russia investigation—and particularly Republican efforts to undermine special counsel Robert Mueller—Bee played a clip of Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) insisting it’s necessary for his chamber to probe FBI malpractice.

“If there was any justice in this world, Paul Ryan’s chin would be as weak as his morals,” Bee said.

But she saved her sharpest criticism for “proud top-teeth owner Devin Nunes,” pointing to his efforts to hype a memo written by his own staff that allegedly shows the FBI participated in untoward surveillance practices as part of the Russia probe.

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“You remember Devin Nunes as the guy who already had to recuse himself from this very investigation for lying to protect the White House so we should definitely trust him,” Bee explained.

“And Nunes hasn’t even seen all the intelligence he based the memo on,” she said. “So this so-called memo of Nunes’ is more like a fun little fan fiction he wrote in his spare time.”

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Noting that Russian bots helped to push Nunes-led efforts to release the memo, Bee pointed out “the Russian interference investigation has itself been interfered by Russians.”

“It’s like a turducken of treason,” Bee said. “Tastes bitter, like the ashes of our democracy.”

“You know, it’s disturbing to watch Republicans openly try to shut down this investigation,” she continued. “But should we even be surprised? Last night, when Trump roared an actual fascist slogan, they gave him a standing ovation.”

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Can’t do what you need to do in a public toilet? You’re not alone – and there’s help

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Most of us don’t give much thought to going to the toilet. We go when we need to go.

But for a small minority of people, the act of urinating or defecating can be a major source of anxiety – especially when public restrooms are the only facilities available.

Paruresis (shy bladder) and parcopresis (shy bowel) are little known mental health conditions, yet they can significantly compromise a person’s quality of life.

We don’t know how many people have shy bowel, but research has estimated around 2.8%-16.4% of the population are affected by shy bladder. The condition is more common in males.

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Peru to install cameras at Machu Picchu after damage

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Peru is installing security cameras at its world renowned Machu Picchu site after it was damaged earlier this month by foreign tourists, authorities said Tuesday.

"We are going to strengthen security at Machu Picchu by installing high-tech cameras," Jose Bastante, head of the archeological park, told AFP.

Bastante said 18 cameras will be located at three strategic points of the citadel as well as access points from surrounding mountains.

"This will allow us to better control visitors and avoid any action or infraction to the regulations, also any type of risk," he said, adding that drones were also being used for security.

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‘They’re not dead’: Falling iguana alert in Florida amid cold snap

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Green iguanas are considered a nuisance in Florida, where they are blamed for causing considerable damage to everything from seawalls to sidewalks -- not to mention menacing endangered butterflies and snails.

But the invasive species may have met their match in an unusual cold snap which sent thermometers plummeting in Florida, rendering the cold-blooded reptiles paralyzed.

"This isn't something we usually forecast, but don't be surprised if you see Iguanas falling from the trees tonight as lows drop into the 30s and 40s. Brrrr," tweeted the National Weather Service in Miami. That is between -1 and 4 degrees Celsius.

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