Stephen Colbert spent Monday night thinking about something dark and horrifying: a sex tape of President Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels.
Daniels has threatened to release text messages, voice mail, as well as photos and videos that she said Trump sent her over the course of the months that she and Trump were having an affair. Pundits have feared the evidence of the affair might result in Trump being the first president ever to have a photo of his genitals aired publicly.
"Wait a minute, videos?" Colbert stopped dead in his tracks with a disgusting thought. "Does that mean there's a Donald Trump sex tape? Will we soon see the release of 'Rail to the Chief: Donald Hump in the Oral Office?'"
He joked that it would be over two whole minutes of "hard core action!" Ew.
"We don't need to go that low! That's not right!" Colbert exclaimed. "And it's too bad this came up because Trump's been in such a good mood lately. Friends describe him as 'giddy.' A man who has finally fully indulged his itch to break free of John Kelly's restraints. Wait, wait -- he was restrained?" Ew.
But according to Colbert, perhaps the president has broken free. "Quick! Get a tranquilizer gun and shoot with me it," he said in his Trump impression. "I don't want to see what happens now!"
He went on to explain how the new "unrestrained Trump" spent the weekend in Pennsylvania.
Watch the clip below: