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Stephen Colbert hilariously mocks new Trump doctrine ‘we’re America, b*tch’: ‘It looks like we’re Russia’s b*tch’

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“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert couldn’t help but notice that President Donald Trump spent most of the latter part of last week trolling American allies while celebrating the world’s foes.

The CBS host began by explaining that he has discovered the real reason that Trump challenged Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is far deeper than international diplomacy or foreign trade.

“Wow!” Colbert said after reading Trump’s tweets aloud. “He’s mad. It’s like Trudeau stole his girlfriend. Oh, wait, he kinda did.”

Colbert then flashed a 2017 photo by Saul Loeb of the first daughter gazing at the Canadian leader with an appreciative smile.

“Now, demolishing our relationship with our closest ally might seem like a bad idea, but Trump’s top advisers think otherwise,” Colbert continued. “Like Trump trade adviser and dehydrated Tommy Lee Jones, Peter Navarro.”

Colbert played the interview of Navarro blasting Trudeau saying there was a “special place in hell” for the leader.

So, Canada’s our enemy now,” he said.

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The host read an except from The Washington Post noting that never in history has a U.S. official spoken of an ally in this way. “These are the kind of words that normally precede military action,” The Post said.

“We’re going to war with Canada?” Colbert asked. “Oh, my God, we’re going to have to put Alex Trebek in a detention center. Bet you don’t have an answer for that one, do you, you smug bastard!”

After mocking the epic photo that shows an indignant Trump being surrounded by G7 leaders demanding an explanation for his tariffs problem, Colbert played a clip of the president demanding that the G7 let Russia back into the fold.

“This used to be the G-8, not the G-7,” Trump said in his speech. “And something happened awhile ago, where Russia is no longer in. I think it would be an asset to have Russia back in.”

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“Something happened?” Colbert asked. “You mean the invasion of Crimea, eastern Ukraine, and the shooting down of a passenger jet? Did you just ‘yada, yada, yada’ over war crimes? Can you do that with any atrocity? ‘Who knows how World War I happened? A web of entangling European alliances engineered by Otto von Bismarck yada, yada, yada– ‘War Horse’ wins the Tony.'”

Colbert then cited Trump’s insistence that Russia be let back at the negotiations table. “I understand you want Russia at the negotiating table, but Don, Jr. already tried that and got caught.”

When it came to the newly founded “Trump Doctrine,” which includes the sentimental declaration, “We’re America, bitch,”  as one Trump staffer said.

“Huh, that’s weird because it really looks like ‘we’re Russia’s bitch,'” he closed.

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Watch the full clip below:

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Saudi Arabia blames Iran for tanker attacks but does not want war

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Saudi Arabia’s crown prince blamed Iran for attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman and called on the international community to take a “decisive stand”, but said that the kingdom does not want a war in the region.

Attacks on two oil tankers on Thursday, which the United States also blamed on Iran, have raised fears of broader confrontation in the region. Iran has denied any role in the strikes south of the Strait of Hormuz, a vital shipping route and major transit route for oil.

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Businesses clamor for Trump’s ear as $300 billion in new China tariffs loom

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Washington is planning another tidal wave of tariffs on Chinese imports that represent a worst-case scenario for markets and major industries on both sides of the Pacific.

And on Monday, seven days of public hearings are due to begin as major businesses issue their loudest warnings yet about layoffs, lost business and America's waning industrial predominance.

Some industries, such as steel and aluminum producers, have benefitted from President Donald Trump's trade policies and strongly support tariffs.

But the lion's share so far are pleading with his administration to spare the imports they depend on -- if not to step back from the brink of an unprecedented all-out trade conflict that economists say would prove dire for global growth.

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Two AFP journalists beaten, detained in Central African Republic

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Security forces in Central African Republic beat and detained two journalists working for French news wire Agence France-Presse (AFP) covering a banned opposition protest in the capital Bangui, the reporters said Sunday.

Charles Bouessel, 28, and Florent Vergnes, 30, said they were held for more than six hours and questioned three times on Saturday after having been manhandled by members of the Central Office for the Suppression of Banditry (OCRB).

The pair also had their equipment confiscated and a camera smashed up.

AFP condemned the incident as "unjustifiable police violence".

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