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‘Eric the Slack-jawed and Princess Ivanka’: Rick Wilson hilariously pummels the entire Trump family –and the GOPers who worship them

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FILE PHOTO: (L-R) Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr., and Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump attend the ground breaking of the Trump International Hotel at the Old Post Office Building in Washington July 23, 2014. REUTERS/Gary Cameron

In a brutally funny and sarcastic column for the Daily Beast, GOP consultant Rick Wilson called upon Republicans to give up even trying to appear to be anything other than Trump yes-men and, while he was at it, Wilson also mocked the faux-royal family of the president.

Under a Game of Thrones-inspired headline “Trump Is on the Iron Throne, and American Democracy Is Dead,” Wilson wrote, “For Republicans eager for the next, inevitable step of Trumpism and tired of some musty 240-year-old Constitution getting in the way of rallies, rage-tweeting and lib-owning, I’ve got a modest proposal: Why not end this republic, and launch a glorious new era of royals and royalty, where a man who behaves like a king can actually be one and govern as he desires?”

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“After all, he’s surrounded not by coequal members of a representative legislature and independent judiciary, but by lackeys and lickspittles groveling at his gouty feet. Inside this Trump kingdom, advisers rise and fall not based on merit, performance, or ideas but instead on fealty, servility, and an ability to abase themselves to the king’s many whims. Let’s just cut to the chase,” he acidly continued.

According to Wilson, the author of “Everything Trump Touches Dies,” among those deaths can be found the Republican Party.

“Be honest with yourselves; how far is the leap from President Trump to King Trump in your minds? How many Trump supporters have wondered unironically about a third term for the Donald, or of replacing one Trump with another when this girthy beast finally strokes out?” he wrote. “You weaponized the Republican caucus to support His Majesty in the House so egregiously you took an ass-beating from the politically incompetent Democrats, losing 40 seats in 2018. In the Senate, Mitch McConnell holds the line for Trump and former Tea Party super-constitutionalist stalwarts like Ted Cruz and Mike Lee have gone full royalist, along with Lindsey Graham.”

He then turned his eye on the “royal” House of Trump.

“Princess Ivanka and royal consort Jared of the House of Kushner hold government jobs of no discernible function but of enormous consequence. Why? The walls of Castle Trump keep that secret, thank the gods,” he wrote. “Nevertheless, the two have the ear of the King and are literally above the law when it comes to security clearance laws, ethics rules, and the use of federal offices to enrich themselves. Those things aren’t wrong in the new world. They’re just part of Trumpian droit du douchebag.”

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“While Trump treats Princess Tiffany as if she were the daughter of a chambermaid and Eric the Slack-jawed as if he should be sent as a hostage to some other royal house, it’s Don Jr. who is the current heir apparent, already emulating the King in every tangible way,” he continued before noting the senior Trump history of multiple wives and multiple infidelities with, “He’s behind on wives and mistresses, but he’s got time.”

Wilson then finished with a bitter and damning flourish.

“And so, my Republican friends, it’s time to embrace monarchy. Let your id be your guide, your past be a memory, and Trump be your King. Bend the knee. You’ve gotten quite good at it.”

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