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‘Eric the Slack-jawed and Princess Ivanka’: Rick Wilson hilariously pummels the entire Trump family –and the GOPers who worship them

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In a brutally funny and sarcastic column for the Daily Beast, GOP consultant Rick Wilson called upon Republicans to give up even trying to appear to be anything other than Trump yes-men and, while he was at it, Wilson also mocked the faux-royal family of the president.

Under a Game of Thrones-inspired headline “Trump Is on the Iron Throne, and American Democracy Is Dead,” Wilson wrote, “For Republicans eager for the next, inevitable step of Trumpism and tired of some musty 240-year-old Constitution getting in the way of rallies, rage-tweeting and lib-owning, I’ve got a modest proposal: Why not end this republic, and launch a glorious new era of royals and royalty, where a man who behaves like a king can actually be one and govern as he desires?”

“After all, he’s surrounded not by coequal members of a representative legislature and independent judiciary, but by lackeys and lickspittles groveling at his gouty feet. Inside this Trump kingdom, advisers rise and fall not based on merit, performance, or ideas but instead on fealty, servility, and an ability to abase themselves to the king’s many whims. Let’s just cut to the chase,” he acidly continued.

According to Wilson, the author of “Everything Trump Touches Dies,” among those deaths can be found the Republican Party.

“Be honest with yourselves; how far is the leap from President Trump to King Trump in your minds? How many Trump supporters have wondered unironically about a third term for the Donald, or of replacing one Trump with another when this girthy beast finally strokes out?” he wrote. “You weaponized the Republican caucus to support His Majesty in the House so egregiously you took an ass-beating from the politically incompetent Democrats, losing 40 seats in 2018. In the Senate, Mitch McConnell holds the line for Trump and former Tea Party super-constitutionalist stalwarts like Ted Cruz and Mike Lee have gone full royalist, along with Lindsey Graham.”

He then turned his eye on the “royal” House of Trump.

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“Princess Ivanka and royal consort Jared of the House of Kushner hold government jobs of no discernible function but of enormous consequence. Why? The walls of Castle Trump keep that secret, thank the gods,” he wrote. “Nevertheless, the two have the ear of the King and are literally above the law when it comes to security clearance laws, ethics rules, and the use of federal offices to enrich themselves. Those things aren’t wrong in the new world. They’re just part of Trumpian droit du douchebag.”

“While Trump treats Princess Tiffany as if she were the daughter of a chambermaid and Eric the Slack-jawed as if he should be sent as a hostage to some other royal house, it’s Don Jr. who is the current heir apparent, already emulating the King in every tangible way,” he continued before noting the senior Trump history of multiple wives and multiple infidelities with, “He’s behind on wives and mistresses, but he’s got time.”

Wilson then finished with a bitter and damning flourish.

“And so, my Republican friends, it’s time to embrace monarchy. Let your id be your guide, your past be a memory, and Trump be your King. Bend the knee. You’ve gotten quite good at it.”

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‘Quit trying to make Jared happen’: Ivanka ripped for praising her husband’s DOA peace plan for the Middle East

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First daughter and senior White House advisor Ivanka Trump was mercilessly ridiculed on Tuesday after praising the so-called "peace plan" for the Middle East created by her husband, Jared Kushner.

The couple, known as Javanka, have been highly criticized for having had no government experience prior to joining the administration and needing presidential intervention after being unable to obtain security clearances.

Ivanka tweeted a quote from her husband at the "Peace to Prosperity workshop today in Bahrain" and urged her Twitter followers to watch his full speech.

Kushner's plan was rejected by the Palestinians before even being released.

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The Navy accidentally nominated a convicted child sex predator to be a future department head

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On Tuesday, the Navy Times reported that Lt. j.g. Michael D. McNeil was nominated, along with several other junior service officers, as eligible to be a future department head by the Navy Personnel Command.

This would be somewhat surprising, given that McNeil is currently serving a 10-year sentence in federal prison in Texarkana, Texas, for soliciting sex from a 12-year-old deaf girl.

The reason why McNeil was listed as under consideration is that the Navy had not yet updated his records with the "civil action report" noting his conviction, which was handed down in March. Navy records still listed him as active duty and assigned to the guided-missile destroyer Lassen when the list was drafted.

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Texas Republican denies trying to cleanse internet of references to the time she allegedly kidnapped a puppy

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The legal counsel for the Bexar County Republican Party in Texas is denying attempting to force Google to hide articles from her past.

"Google has received six requests to remove links to newspaper columns about Lynette Boggs-Perez, a recently elected Judson ISD trustee whose political career in Nevada was dogged by scandal before she moved to Texas," the San Antonio Express News reported, via Reason.

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Trump endorses killing journalists, like Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi. Online ad networks are now targeting sites that cover acts of violence against dissidents, LGBTQ people and people of color.

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