Writing in The Daily Beast, Wilson imagined several different scenarios in which both family members and professional campaign staff try to get Trump to prepare for his big debate, while also predicting that none of it “will do a damn bit of good.”
In the first scenario, Wilson imagines Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner desperately trying to get the president to prepare even as he ignores them because he’s busy eating McDonald’s.
Eric Trump, meanwhile, is busy playing video games on an Oculus headset and has “already knocked over several priceless historical vases” as he chases virtual woodland creatures around the room.
IVANKA: “Daddy, we need to debate prep.”
JARED: “Sir, if you’ll look at Slide 27 in the deck you’ll see…”
TRUMP: “Shuthafuup weathel, I’m eating.”
IVANKA: “But Dadddddy. Everyone says you’re not ready…”
Don Jr.: “FUCK THOSE PUSSIES. FUCK ’EM. BIDEN IS DEEP STATE, MAN. GOD DAMN, I CAN FEEL MY SKIN MOVING. WHO LET THESE BUGS IN HERE?”
IVANKA: “Don, shut up. Daddy doesn’t need the yelling.”
Don Jr.: “I’M NOT YELLING.”
Eric: “Dad, tell them glue tastes good. It’ll work.”
TRUMP: “Shut up, all of you. I’m trying to do my debate prep minute.”
In a later scene, Trump’s campaign team desperately tries to get him to prepare even as he tries to search for “The Gorilla Channel” on his TV.
At the end of the session, Attorney General Bill Barr suggests the president’s only hope in the debate is declaring martial law.
“It’ll be fun,” the attorney general helpfully ads.
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