Embattled warrior training for Christians canceled for lack of interest in Missouri
A militia member with a rifle in an open field (Shutterstock)

Organizers pulled the plug on a tactical event scheduled for today in Southwest Missouri that promised to train Christians in "hand-to-hand combat."

The Kansas City Star broke the news about the presumed victory for Satan:

"'Because of low attendance numbers, we are having to cancel this event,' organizer Kevin VanStory posted on his Facebook page. No other details were available, and the online link for the event has been taken down.

"The Missouri Embattled Warriors Event had been scheduled to run from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday on wooded property in Newton County between Neosho and Joplin. The training was being held by the Salt and Light Brigade MAKO edition, a group that includes supporters from Missouri, Arkansas, Kansas and Oklahoma."

The cancellation came despite the bar for success apparently having been set rather low. In a Facebook post just four days ago, VanStory said the event would be limited to just 36 participants. Here's that post verbatim:

"We are scheduling a Embattled Warrior Tactical Event in Missouri on October 23rd, 2021. This is a one-day event. The cost for the event will be $135 single or $200 couples. This event will cover: Room clearing, hand to hand fighting and fighting from a vehicle. It will be a round robin with groups rotating (90 min-120 min depending on group size). Saturday evening, a dark/low light class will be given. This will be pertaining to the use of a flashlight (weapon mounted or hand held) in dark or low light conditions. A scenario of the three combined courses will be conducted. The schedule for the event is as follows (can be adjusted as needed). Thanks for your interest in this event. We are limiting the event to 36 persons."

The Star noted that the cancellation came despite considerable online attention:

"News of the event drew a barrage of reaction, most of it critical, on social media Thursday. 'Nothing says Jesus like a 9mm and a throat punch,' wrote one man on Facebook. 'What would Jesus be packin'?' said another. And on Twitter, one said, 'Grab your swords, boys! Tonight we're gonna kill some Romans!', said Jesus never.' And another: 'I think anyone who's read the gospels knows the importance Jesus placed on hand-to-hand combat. 'If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, offer him a knuckle sandwich and draw your sidearm.'"