Would you get on a plane flown by this man?

Doop-dee-doop, checkin’ the email*.

Press Release – May 29, 2008.

Democratic National Committee advised of

Criminal Case in US Supreme Court involving

Senators Clinton and Obama

Holy crap! What's this now, and why haven't I heard of it? You'd think this would be front...page...oh.

The Democratic National Committee, slated to meet this weekend, has been advised of a criminal case filed in the United States Supreme Court on May 27, 2008, titled “United States of America vs. Seditious Conspirators”. (A case number has not yet been assigned). The criminal case names both Democratic contenders for the US Presidency, Senator Hilary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama, as defendants. The case involving the senators was initially filed in the US District Court of Colorado under criminal case no. 1:08cr00087. The case has progressed through the 10th Circuit Appeals Court as case no. 08-1061, where three associated cases were consolidated into the one case now under contention in the US Supreme Court.

The Democratic National Committee was advised that pursuant the statutes 18USC2381 and 18USC2383, and Section 3 of the 14th Amendment of the US Constitution, the senators are barred from holding any office under the United States. The Committee was further informed that there are other Democratic Delegates and so-called ‘Super Delegates’ who are also named as defendants in this criminal case. Pursuant the same statutes and Section of the Constitution, they may not be electors of a United States President. To do so would be violating the law.

The filing of this criminal case in the Supreme Court may be verified with the Supreme Court Police with whom it was filed, with the Court Clerk William Suter, or with any of the 9 Justices who have been provided with a personal copy of the criminal complaint. The involvement of Senators Clinton and Obama in the seditious conspiracy may be verified with President Bush, Chief Justice Roberts, Attorney General Mukasey, or FBI Director Mueller.

Oh, it's allegedly about horseshit. Now I get it.

Did you catch that at the end, by the way? This case was filed with the Supreme Court Police. And yes, such a thing really exists. Its "mission is to ensure the integrity of the constitutional mission of the Supreme Court by protecting the United States Supreme Court building, the Justices, employees, guests, and visitors." And this guy allegedly filed a criminal case with them! A treason case with them! And he may - stay with me here - he may not have been laughed directly out of the building.

But let's come back to that. Who, exactly, is "this guy"? Why, he's Anthony P. Keyter, of course! And who is Anthony P. Keyter? Why, he's allegedly this guy:

Anthony is a naturalized citizen of the United States and is a resident of the picturesque town of Gig Harbor in Washington State. Until recently he was a Senior Instructor Pilot with the Boeing Company in Seattle. After military service as a paratrooper in an airborne unit, his early career was spent as a test pilot flying high performance jet fighters. A keen sportsman and adventurer, Anthony has recently climbed the 14,500-foot Mount Rainier (pictured above), and has dog-sledded across many miles of Alaskan winter wilderness. In his younger life Anthony kayaked numerous rivers of his native South Africa, including a 400-mile stretch of the inhospitable Orange River. He is also an enthusiastic sports aviator having owned a Tiger Moth biplane for 27 years. Anthony holds a Masters Degree in Physics and Space Science from the University of Houston, and is a keen musician.

So. You may be saying to yourself, "Why is Auguste picking on this poor guy? I mean, sure, he's filed cases against George W. Bush, John McCain, '230 Government Officers', John Ashcroft, 'Bush, Roberts, Gonzales, Mueller', '443 Known Insurgents', and '535 Members of the 110th Congress', but he's still a private citizen and, if he has some quixotic ideas about jurisprudence, he doesn't necessarily require mocking."

Well, dear reader, that's where I happen to disagree. Because among the other highlights of his court cases on his web site, there's allegedly the little matter of Keyter vs. Keyter:

On November 29, 2004, a Complaint was filed in the Superior Court of Washington State in a civil claim for damages against Respondent, Maureen Keyter. The Respondent had committed criminal and common law violations of burglary, perjury, fraud, theft, and conspiracy with others against rights, which violations caused harm and loss. Amongst the co-conspirators in the criminal endeavor was State Appeals Court Judge Marywave Van Deren.

The crimes committed by the Respondent formed the substrata of this civil claim, and a Motion for a Restraining Order was simultaneously filed against her. In violation of court rules, the presiding judge dismissed the crimes without addressing them, and took no action on the motion to restrain the Respondent. This rendering of criminal assistance by the judge to the Respondent, allowed the Respondent to flee the country shortly thereafter; to escape liability for crimes committed; and, to escape civil restitution for those crimes and their corresponding common law violations.

An appeal was filed on January 6, 2005 in the Washington State Court of Appeals. Appeals Court Judges were notified of the serious crimes that had not been investigated or prosecuted, and were requested to tend to the crimes according to their judicial duties and the court rules. However, the judges chose to violate their duties to the state and acted instead to protect the conspirators from prosecution, presumably since Judge Van Deren, who was implicated, was a colleague on the Bench. The Washington State Court of Appeals dismissed the case in contravention of several laws and court rules...On 5 previous occasions in another case (Anthony P. Keyter vs. George W. Bush, case no. 05-140), the Clerk of the Court, Mr. Suter, illegally removed copies of the same dossier from the court record. Consistent with that action, Mr. Suter refused to file the certiorari and supporting criminal dossier on false and fraudulent grounds. No amount of effort has been successful to get this case filed in the Supreme Court - a simple matter of obstruction of justice by the clerk of the Supreme Court.

In contrast, here's an excerpt from the Superior Court decision in Keyter vs. Keyter...which Mr. Keyter makes available on his own web site.

Claiming that the judges of Division Two of the Court of Appeals have committed crimes against him in connection with this case, Anthony Keyter moves to transfer his pending appeal from that court to this court. Mr. Keyter provides no details to his claim, although he refers to a “1017-page ‘Dossier of Crimes’ that he says he submitted to this court some months ago.

Ms. Keyter requests attorney fees for this appeal...[a]n appeal is frivolous if there are no debatable issues upon which reasonable minds might differ, and it it is so totally devoid of merit that there was no reasonable possibility of reversal. Mr. Keyter has been told by judges, law enforcement officers, and state and federal prosecuting attorneys that there is no basis for criminal charges against Ms. Keyter. This appeal is patently frivolous. Accordingly, it is hereby ORDERED that the judgment is affirmed. It is FURTHER ORDERED that Ms. Keyter is awarded a reasonable attorney fee upon compliance with RAP 18.1(d).

(The attorney fees to Ms. Keyter, by the way, ended up being $750. This suggests to the non-lawyer that it allegedly didn't take much work to argue against the appeal.)

So Anthony P. Keyter attempted to press charges against his ex-wife because she allegedly colluded with her lawyer and the judge to steal his shit during the divorce proceedings. And he allegedly submitted a 1017 page document of crimes. He doesn't have any links to MRA groups on his website, but if it allegedly quacks like an MRA, I say it's fair game.

But isn't this all really about the politics? Of course it is. For example, why did Mr. Keyter initiate proceedings against "Bush, Roberts, Gonzales, Mueller"?

Criminal charges of 'conspiracy to kidnap' and 'conspiracy to murder' are herewith filed against United States President George W. Bush, Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and FBI Director Robert Mueller.

Ah. But what's Keyter's allegedly direct involvement?

Two (foiled) attempts to kidnap and murder me, (the Complainant), as a primary witness to [other] crimes have respectively been commanded, facilitated, directed, and executed by President Bush, Chief Justice Roberts, Attorney General Gonzales, FBI Director Mueller, and their subordinates, as part of an effort to prevent testimony on their crimes in the courts of the United States.

I see. And what were those other crimes?

[M]y assets were seized and I was stripped of a sizeable portion of my income by illegal government action.

Ahhhhh okay. It's allegedly the mean ol' divorce lawyers again. And look, I could allegedly spend another fifteen pagescrolls unravelling how he got from his divorce to President Bush, but let's cut to the chase.

Within 24 hours of these documents being filed in the US Supreme Court, President Bush and his agents initiated a criminal plot to retaliate against me with intent to kill me as primary witness to their crimes - in order to thwart the course of justice and administration of the laws. The execution of this plot commenced in the Supreme Court and unfolded through the offices of the White House, the Boeing Company, and the Federal Aviation Authority.

Under orders from the President, White House aids contacted my employer, the Boeing Company. In a mutually beneficial arrangement, officers of the Boeing Company immediately embarked upon an attempt to inveigle me to an area away from my normal workplace, there to unlawfully seize me - kidnap me - in collaboration with and in execution of the plot to murder me. Boeing was offered an attractive contract/compensation to facilitate this iniquitous conduct, and the Boeing Board acquiesced to the request. This act violated the statute 18USC1201.

The first attempt to kidnap and murder me (executed by officers of the Boeing Company) failed, and resulted in further criminal charges being filed. A second attempt was undertaken through the Federal Aviation Authority in an effort to prevent information relating to these federal offenses from reaching law enforcement and the courts. The second kidnap attempt was also abortive, but these attempts succeeded in destroying my livelihood and 17-year career as Senior Instructor Pilot with the Boeing Company. Subsequent evidence of stalking indicates that the conspirators intend to consummate their sinister plot.

Well, I think you're allegedly starting to get the idea. Unfortunately, possibly because he's so busy writing briefs (and dodging attempts on his life), he hasn't had time to update the details of the criminal proceeding outlined in the press release he sent me yesterday. Can't comment on ongoing cases, I suppose. As soon as I find out, though, I'll be sure to share it with you. Maybe there'll be some sort of class action you can get in on.

* ‘Doop-dee-doop’ concept created by Gavin.

(Because this guy's allegedly quite litigious, I've sprinkled a few allegedlys here and there. Also, just to be fair, it's possible that he did get left completely penniless by a criminal conspiracy in divorce court, which was followed up by a conspiracy among hundreds of government agencies, reaching the highest levels of federal power, including attempted murder and kidnapping, and that he's a lone voice arguing against this gross miscarriage of justice. All of these things are more than possible. It's possible that his entire web site is filled with nothing but truth and light.)