How bad was the New Hampshire Primary for some of the GOP contenders? According to Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” they were “behind Jeb Bush bad.” He’s talking to you, Marco Rubio. Noah started off the show with his favorite part of each election: the losers.
In a speech to supporters, Rubio acknowledged that the epic fail was on him, not on them. “And everyone in the crowd was like, ‘yeah, we know. No one was saying it was on us,'” Noah said laughing. “We all know you f*cked up. Don’t even try that!” But that wasn’t even the most enjoyable aspect of Rubio’s loss. “It was Chris Christie who took him down! Because, you remember, you remember in the debate, Christie slammed Rubio for being a ‘talking points robot.’ And that was Christie’s way to get up in the polls, but all it did was bring Rubio down with him. He was like that guy in the movie who grabs someone and he’s like ‘Arrrrrgggghhh!'” he said acting like Frankenstein. “He’s my hero.”
When Noah came to Carly Fiorina, who also dropped out of the race Wednesday, his audience applauded her decision to quit. “I know that so many people believe that Fiorina shouldn’t have been allowed to terminate her campaign after so many months,” Noah said referring to Fiorina’s extremist anti-choice ways. “But, I believe a woman has a right to choose, people.”
As for Senator Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump, Noah said they both made history. “Sanders became the first Jewish person to win a presidential primary. While, Donald Trump became the first pile of garbage covered in vodka sauce to win a presidential primary.” He said that we’ve gone so far down the “rabbit hole of absurdity” that we’ve gone from, Trump will never run, to ok, he’s running but he’ll never do well, to he might win a primary but he’ll never win the presidency. “I’m just saying, a year from now, at this rate, we’ll all be thinking, ‘Alright, sure, he’s the President but he’s never going to be on Mount Rushmore, right?'” Noah related Trump to the cinnamon challenge because it might be fun to watch but “the more we encourage it, the more people are eventually going to get hurt.”
When Trump tried to talk about the unemployment rate in his speech, which is at 4.9 percent according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, he just started shouting out random percentages that kept going up as he was talking. Like most “facts” that Trump spreads, this one is just another thing he “heard” so it absolves him of any responsibility for being so far off that he looks uneducated on the issues. “Who is this guy?!” Noah exclaimed. “Like is like he’s at an auction … he’s not even counting. I bet The Count from Sesame Street is like ‘Moohahaha, what an idiot, hahahaha.'”
When it came to Hillary Clinton, the “Daily Show” team did a “subtext closed captioning” along with her speech which included such things as, “I can’t wait to get the [email protected]*#k out of New Hampshire” and “enjoy it while it lasts, you communist.”
But the real winner of the night was John Kasich, who just a few weeks ago seemed invisible. Noah showed screen captures of Kasich behind Trump in the awkward debate opening and an empty podium where he was “literally invisible.” Noah pulled clips from people who couldn’t even say Kasich’s name correctly when they tried to talk about him on air, the Ohio Governor is so unknown. Noah said that this is like the scene in the makeover movies where the girl shakes out her hair and puts on a fancy dress to come downstairs. He then ran a hilarious clip from the Freddie Prinze Jr. movie “She’s All That” with Kasich’s face super-imposed on Rachael Leigh Cook’s body talking about policy issues.
Check out the video here: