Quantcast
Connect with us

Colbert: CBS says it’s okay to say ‘miserable son of a b*tch’ — but only if it’s about Ted Cruz

Published

on

Monday evening was one of Stephen Colbert’s best segments yet. The comedian didn’t hold back, ridiculing Cruz for his major polling drop in Indiana, whose primary is Tuesday. “The Republican second-runner is trailing Trump by 15 points, even though less than a week ago, Cruz was up by 16 points,” Colbert said. “It’s almost as if spending time there campaigning hurt him. Well, you know what they say about Ted Cruz? To know him is to wish you didn’t.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Colbert cited former Speaker John Boehner, who, last week, called Cruz a “miserable son of a b*tch.” Luckily, Colbert said that he checked with CBS, and explained, “I’m allowed to say ‘miserable son of a b*tch’ if I’m talking about Ted Cruz.”

As you might recall, Boehner also called Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh.” Boehner would know too, “because they clearly go to the same tanning salon.”

Sure, we’re all laughing, but Colbert thinks if Ted Cruz was really the devil we’d all see more signs. “The Earth would open up and swallow people when they said his name.” Colbert then showed the clip of the unfortunate moment Sunday, when slim-chance VP, Carly Fiorina, looked as if she fell through a trap door after announcing the Texas senator. “Oh my God! Where did she go!?” Colbert shouted. “She vanished instantly. It’s almost as if some sort of demonic power about saying the phrase ‘the next president of the United States: Ted Cruz—'” and Colbert suddenly fell out of his chair and under his desk.

Cruz is even getting flack at his own rallies. Like Trump, Cruz gets a few hecklers, but this time, it was a kid approximately 10-years-old, who shouted out “you suck!” Colbert had to use his script to cover his massive grin. “Yes, a child shouted, ‘you suck’ at Ted Cruz. Now, we don’t know the heckler’s name but we do have a picture of the child,” Colbert said before showing this photo:

ADVERTISEMENT

John Boehner could have been the child that heckled Ted Cruz (screen capture)

John Boehner could have been the child that heckled Ted Cruz (screen capture)

The worst part for Cruz is that even Fox News has left him in the dust. When they ran the story about the heckler, they put “you suck” in massive letters across their screen under Cruz’s picture. Colbert joked that news about drone attacks was buried in the crawl below, but “Ted Cruz sucks is up here in 190-point, ‘Man Walks On The Moon’ font.”

Cruz responded to the child by telling him he needed to be more respectful and that if it were his child he’d spank him. “You know things aren’t looking good for the Cruz campaign when they’re trying out a new slogan, ‘Ted Cruz ’16: He Hits Kids.’

ADVERTISEMENT

Check out the full video below:


Report typos and corrections to: [email protected].
READ COMMENTS - JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Continue Reading

Elections 2016

Japan wants to dump Fukushima radioactive water into ocean

Published

on

Japan's top government spokesman slapped down the environment minister on Tuesday after he said there was "no other option" but to release radioactive water from the crippled Fukushima nuclear power plant into the ocean.

"It is not true that we have decided on the disposal method," Chief Cabinet Minister Yoshihide Suga told reporters after Environment Minister Yoshiaki Harada's comments earlier in the day.

The operator, Tokyo Electric Power Co. (TEPCO), is storing more than one million tonnes of contaminated water in tanks at the site of Fukushima Daiichi Plant that was wrecked by the 2011 earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown.

Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

Here’s one big reason why Trump is having a white-hot meltdown over the Fed not dropping interest rates

Published

on

President Donald Trump has a personal conflict-of-interest that may be impacting his decisions in his public feud with Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell.

"President Trump stands to save millions of dollars annually in interest on outstanding loans on his hotels and resorts if the Federal Reserve lowers rates as he has been demanding, according to public filings and financial experts," The Washington Post reported Saturday.

Continue Reading
 

Breaking Banner

Trump approves of North Korea missile tests: ‘I have no problem’ because they’re just ‘short-range missiles’

Published

on

On Thursday, in conversation with reporters, President Donald Trump said that he had 'no problem' with North Korea's new round of missile tests.

"Short-range missiles, we never made an agreement on that," said Trump. "I have no problem, we'll see what happens, but these are short-range missiles. They're very standard."

The thought that short-range missiles would still be capable of hitting our allies in the region, like South Korea and Japan, does not seem to have occurred to him.

Watch below:

Trump says he has "no problem" with North Korea testing missiles because they are just "short-range missiles" that are "very standard." pic.twitter.com/fdKtQ6yrBE

Continue Reading
 
 
Help Raw Story Uncover Injustice. Join Raw Story Investigates for $1. Go ad-free.
close-image