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Colbert: CBS says it’s okay to say ‘miserable son of a b*tch’ — but only if it’s about Ted Cruz

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Monday evening was one of Stephen Colbert’s best segments yet. The comedian didn’t hold back, ridiculing Cruz for his major polling drop in Indiana, whose primary is Tuesday. “The Republican second-runner is trailing Trump by 15 points, even though less than a week ago, Cruz was up by 16 points,” Colbert said. “It’s almost as if spending time there campaigning hurt him. Well, you know what they say about Ted Cruz? To know him is to wish you didn’t.”

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Colbert cited former Speaker John Boehner, who, last week, called Cruz a “miserable son of a b*tch.” Luckily, Colbert said that he checked with CBS, and explained, “I’m allowed to say ‘miserable son of a b*tch’ if I’m talking about Ted Cruz.”

As you might recall, Boehner also called Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh.” Boehner would know too, “because they clearly go to the same tanning salon.”

Sure, we’re all laughing, but Colbert thinks if Ted Cruz was really the devil we’d all see more signs. “The Earth would open up and swallow people when they said his name.” Colbert then showed the clip of the unfortunate moment Sunday, when slim-chance VP, Carly Fiorina, looked as if she fell through a trap door after announcing the Texas senator. “Oh my God! Where did she go!?” Colbert shouted. “She vanished instantly. It’s almost as if some sort of demonic power about saying the phrase ‘the next president of the United States: Ted Cruz—'” and Colbert suddenly fell out of his chair and under his desk.

Cruz is even getting flack at his own rallies. Like Trump, Cruz gets a few hecklers, but this time, it was a kid approximately 10-years-old, who shouted out “you suck!” Colbert had to use his script to cover his massive grin. “Yes, a child shouted, ‘you suck’ at Ted Cruz. Now, we don’t know the heckler’s name but we do have a picture of the child,” Colbert said before showing this photo:

John Boehner could have been the child that heckled Ted Cruz (screen capture)

John Boehner could have been the child that heckled Ted Cruz (screen capture)

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The worst part for Cruz is that even Fox News has left him in the dust. When they ran the story about the heckler, they put “you suck” in massive letters across their screen under Cruz’s picture. Colbert joked that news about drone attacks was buried in the crawl below, but “Ted Cruz sucks is up here in 190-point, ‘Man Walks On The Moon’ font.”

Cruz responded to the child by telling him he needed to be more respectful and that if it were his child he’d spank him. “You know things aren’t looking good for the Cruz campaign when they’re trying out a new slogan, ‘Ted Cruz ’16: He Hits Kids.’

Check out the full video below:

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Elections 2016

Vietnamese women strive to clear war-era mines

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Inching across a field littered with Vietnam war-era bombs, Ngoc leads an all-women demining team clearing unexploded ordnance that has killed tens of thousands of people -- including her uncle.

"He died in an explosion. I was haunted by memories of him," Le Thi Bich Ngoc tells AFP as she oversees the controlled detonation of a cluster bomb found in a sealed-off site in central Quang Tri province.

More than 6.1 million hectares of land in Vietnam remain blanketed by unexploded munitions -- mainly dropped by US bombers -- decades after the war ended in 1975.

At least 40,000 Vietnamese have since died in related accidents. Victims are often farmers who accidentally trigger explosions, people salvaging scrap metal, or children who mistake bomblets for toys.

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Elections 2016

Chief Justice John Roberts issues New Year’s Eve warning to stand up for democracy

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In a progressive welcoming move, Chief Justice John Roberts issued his New Year's Eve annual report urging his fellow federal judges to stand up for democracy.

"In our age, when social media can instantly spread rumor and false information on a grand scale, the public's need to understand our government, and the protections it provides, is ever more vital," he wrote. "We should celebrate our strong and independent judiciary, a key source of national unity and stability."

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Trump’s next 100 days will dictate whether he can be re-elected or not — here’s why

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According to CNN pollster-in-residence Harry Enten, Donald Trump's next 100 days -- which could include an impeachment trial in the Senate -- will hold the key to whether he will remain president in 2020.

As Eten explains in a column for CNN, "His [Trump's] approval rating has been consistently low during his first term. Yet his supporters could always point out that approval ratings before an election year have not historically been correlated with reelection success. But by mid-March of an election year, approval ratings, though, become more predictive. Presidents with low approval ratings in mid-March of an election year tend to lose, while those with strong approval ratings tend to win in blowouts and those with middling approval ratings usually win by small margins."

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