The Republican Party’s platform committee passed some of the most bizarre and nonsensical positions that put the party so far outside the mainstream that it has become a public relations nightmare both for the party and the GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump.
Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert walked through some of the more comical positions the Republican Party now endorse. “This is the set of core conservative values that Trump will ignore in favor of whatever tumbles out of the old talkie hole,” Colbert joked.
“There’s some very interesting things in the draft. The Republican Party has officially declared that coal is an abundant clean energy resource,” he began, while the audience booed. “Of course! That’s why you see all those photos of fresh-faced coal miners out there. It’s really too bad so many of them come down clean lung.”
That isn’t even half of it. “The Republican Party states, it still feels a natural marriage between a man and a woman is most likely to result in offspring who do not become drug-addicted or otherwise damaged.” The booing from the audience grew even louder and more indignant. “Come on! No, look, I know there are no studies backing this up but it does make sense,” Colbert tried to explain. “Think about it, a kid has two dads he has two heroes. But without a mom he doesn’t have a heroine so he turns to heroin. That’s just, that’s logic.”
But the weirdest comes out of the Utah crusaders, who managed to get into the GOP platform that pornography has become a public health crisis. “Porn is a public health crisis?” Colbert asked. “But those videos are loaded with nurses. They’re very stern. ‘You will take your medicine.'”
Colbert simply couldn’t understand why Republicans aren’t embracing pornography. “It’s pro-free trade, people are always paying for pizza by bartering their sausage and you do not want to know what the invisible hand of the market is doing. Oh! And most of all, the GOP and porn both have the same core message: Jobs, jobs, jobs. Jobs for everyone!”
Check out the hilarity below: