Stephen Colbert on Wednesday issued and epic takedown of Donald Trump Jr. after the president’s eldest son threatened to steal his own daughter’s Halloween candy to teach her a half-baked lesson on socialism.
Trump Jr. on Tuesday posted a photo of his daughter on Twitter, joking he’s “going to take half of Chloe’s candy tonight & give it to some kid who sat at home.”
“It’s never to early to teach her about socialism,” Trump Jr. said.
Trump Jr.’s neither funny nor clever tweet sparked scores of responses throughout Halloween night, and on Wednesday, “The Late Show” host decided to offer Trump’s son a candied economics lesson of his own.
“Kids literally go door to door to get candy from neighbors, cause the kids don’t have it and the neighbors do,” Colbert began. “That’s socialism.”
“But Don Jr. is right, there is plenty of economic theory you can teach using sweets,” he continued. “For instance, you, Junior [Mints] were born with many 100 Grands on 5th Avenue. All most people get from their parents is Kisses.”
“Now, Americans find themselves BeTwix’ed between two choices, both of which Blow [Pops],” Colbert said. “Wealth redistribution, or empower a NutRageous demagogue by handing him the WarHeads. The top one percent Toblerone 99 percent of the wealth, when there should be Good 'N Plenty of money for everyone.”
“We need to be talking about things like universal Heath-care, which would be a Lifesaver for working people,” the host added. “Socialist ideas outlined by the author of Dots Kaptal, Karl Mars and Friedrich Skittles. Or, as you Dum Dums like to call them: Nerds!”
“I know we’re having a lot of Snickers at your expense, but one thing’s for sure: you’re a total Douche,” Colbert concluded.