Stephen Colbert identifies shocking new pathogen: The GOP
Stephen Colbert (Photo: Screen capture)

Stephen Colbert couldn't help but crack up at Republicans who have finally decided to get vaccinated since the COVID-19 has become a red state disease.

Referring to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as "a condom filled with baby food," Colbert played the clip of the GOP leader saying that people should get vaccinated. For the first time possibly ever, Colbert said that he agrees with McConnell.

"We've also seen a vaccine change-of-heart from Louisiana Representative and frog who got kissed and turned into a personal injury attorney, Steve Scalise," said Colbert. "Scalise finally got his first dose of vaccine last week, and yesterday, encouraged others to do the same."

"I've been vaccinated, many of my colleagues have been vaccinated, and the vaccine is safe, effective, and it's widely available," he said in a press conference.

Colbert held out his hands, assuring Scalise, "yeah, Steve. We know. We all got it months ago. Steve Scalise is like the guy who just found out about 'Bridgerton.'"

Meanwhile, as Scalise tries to have it both ways by criticizing public health outreach and masks, he's getting the vaccine because he doesn't want to die but still wants to get reelected.

"But until we get more people their shots, COVID will keep steaming along, which is why some places are reinstating mask mandates. Like Clark County, Nevada, home of Las Vegas, which passed a resolution to require employees of indoor public spaces to wear masks while at work," Colbert explained. "Tough news for many Vegas employees, unless you're a ventriloquist because your job just got a lot easier. But before Clark County voted on the mask rule, they held a meeting for residents to voice their concerns, and I'm concerned about their residents."

Colbert played a video of one person saying that "masks probably work as good as a whiffle ball as a condom."

"First of all, masks work," said Colbert. "Second of all, a Wiffle ball is actually a great way of preventing pregnancy. Because no one will have sex with you if you've got a Wiffle ball on your penis."

Colbert went on to call "complete tool" Kevin McCarthy out for complaining about the Jan. 6 committee.

"Well, Monday, McCarthy picked his five Republicans, and there seemed to be one common denominator in all of the minority leader's choices: no minority choices," Colbert continued. "It's like an ad for inferior bleach because those are a bunch of dull whites."

McCarthy voted against the Jan. 6 Commission where Republicans would get to have as many people as they wanted on the commission but it passed the House anyway. Then McCarthy convinced Republicans in the Senate to filibuster the bill, eliminating it from passing. Now, McCarthy is furious that he has no control over the committee after voting against a commission where he would have control.

As Colbert explained it, it's like if someone asked, "Hey, we're ordering pizza, do you want any," and McCarthy said, "No! I don't believe in pizza!" Now that the pizza has arrived, McCarthy is mad that "it's mushroom and onions instead of pepperoni and fascism."

McCarthy then said he didn't want to be part of the cool kids club anyway and that he'd make his own committee and investigation because they have their own police officers and military people. Good luck with that.

See the video below:


Prominent Republicans Speak Up About Vaccines As Delta Infections Soar www.youtube.com