Ann Coulter bombed spectacularly during Comedy Central’s roast of Rob Lowe — but she has only herself and her hand-picked joke writer to blame.
The show’s writers offered Coulter a few jokes, as they did for other non-comedians who appeared, but she insisted on writing her own material with some friends, including joke writer Ned Rice, reported Business Insider.
“Rob [Lowe]’s last show was called ‘The Grinder,’” Coulter joked during the program. “Hard to believe a TV show named after a gay dating app wouldn’t be a huge hit.”
Coulter told The Hollywood Reporter she’d turned down the offer “because of Comedy Central’s decision to shift away from humor.”
But Mike Lawrence, one of the show’s writers, hit back.
“She does not understand humor or joy,” Lawrence said Tuesday morning during a Facebook Live chat.
Lawrence and another writer, Earl Skakel, shared a few of the best jokes Coulter turned down in favor of this one: “I’m hoping to persuade you all to vote for [Donald] Trump, most of all I want you David [Spade], because it would prove the media is lying when they say that Trump won’t get the vote of a single spade.”
The comics used a blond puppet they called “Coultergeist” to read the rejected jokes:
1. “I have to say, Rob, it’s nice to finally not be the most hated person in the room.”
2. “(Retired quarterback) Peyton Manning is a model citizen and his forehead is a model for the wall that Trump’s going to put between the U.S. and Mexico.”
3. “(Actor) Ralph Macchio’s first ever credit was in the movie ‘Up the Academy,’ playing a character called Chooch Bambalazi. Are you serious? Even Donald Trump thinks it’s too racist to call a wop Chooch Bambalazi.”
4. “That would be like if (comedian) Jeff Ross’ first credit was a character named Mosha Gefilte Fish Streisand Ziegmillianberg. And before you ask, Jeff, I wouldn’t f*ck you with Hillary Clinton’s d*ck.”
5. “Rob Lowe is like America: He hasn’t been great since Reagan was president and unemployment is becoming more and more of a problem for him.”
6. “Giving you a roast is the worst decision Comedy Central’s made since they replaced Jon Stewart with a South African child. That’s a Trevor Noah joke, the one immigrant I’m most excited to see deported. Am I white, people? Am I white?”