Not even a nationally televised vice presidential debate could pull Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump out of the tailspin he’s in.
The goal for last night’s debate should have been an easy one. All Mike Pence had to do was appeal to swing voters, not screw up and “not take advice from his running mate,” suggested Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.” Meyers explained that not only was Trump’s debate performance last week terrible, he then proceeded to dwell on how “not terrible” it was for the remainder of the week. “He’s like the kid who wets the bed at a sleepover and a week later is still going, ‘I’m telling you, I spilled my juice box!”
So, while Trump spent most of his week taking a victory lap for losing the debate, he also was making excuses for why people might not have thought he did as well as he should. Trump told the New York Times he spent 50 percent of his brain power “working the [mic].” Meyers wondered what the other 50 percent was spent on. Perhaps, “don’t call Clinton the b-word.”
The Trump campaign ultimately tried to move on, and in a Saturday rally, they told the media that they would be promoting a “nine-sentence critique of comments Hillary Clinton made months ago about many of the millennials supporting her primary rival, Bernie Sanders,” The Washington Post outlined. But the bombshell Trump was supposed to drop flopped like one of Kim Jong Un’s missiles. Sanders said he agreed with Clinton’s comments and some millennials struggled to understand why Trump thought what Clinton said was wrong and not an example of “feeling our pain.”
Meyers played Trump’s comments and the audience’s loud reaction. “That’s a shocked crowd reacting to a baseless accusation of infidelity,” Meyers said. “Trump rallies have just become episodes of the Maury Povich Show. Of course, Trump’s own first marriage ended when he cheated on her with his eventual second wife so you might think maybe this isn’t the best argument for Trump to make. That’s why the Trump campaign sent their best man, Rudy Giuliani, to go on TV and make it again.”
Giuliani proceeded to face-plant on national television, ultimately crawling away saying, “Well that’s your opinion.”
“Trump’s campaign is such a cluster fart they’ve been reduced to quoting The Dude,” Meyers said. “When we all know, the only ‘Big Lebowski’ line that should be quoted this election season is” when Walter Sobchak screams, “Shut the f*ck up, Donnie.”
Then Trump spent the rest of the weekend trying to justify the fact that he was smart for not paying any taxes. In fact, Trump claims he is so patriotic for not paying his taxes that he said he owed it to his partners and investors. He promises that he simply used the laws in place to drive his plane through a loophole.
“Okay, first of all, you didn’t use them,” Meyers began. “You hired lawyers and accountants to use them. I can’t see Trump up all night wearing a green visor and crunching numbers on a calculator. Also, his argument doesn’t make any sense because these weren’t business taxes, they were his personal income taxes.”
However, Trump admitted he was only looking out for his own interests in May when The Washington Post asked him if he “made good business decisions or did those decisions lead to bankruptcies which hurt a lot of people.” Trump responded they were great decisions “for myself” and “I’m not representing other people.” Meyers is concerned that if Trump takes the White House he’ll end up sending nukes to Canada, claiming he was only “representing himself.”
The campaign sent Giuliani and battle-scarred Chris Christie to the cable news shows to talk about what a genius Trump was. “Those two are like comic book henchmen who are scared to death of their evil boss,” Meyers joked, with impressions of the two. “The only way you can call Trump a genius is if you mean it sarcastically. ‘Can you believe this genius lost $1 billion in a year?'”
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