It's almost December 23, which along with frenzied last-minute Christmas shopping means it's time for Festivus.
Initially celebrated by Seinfeld writer Dan O'Keefe and his family, the anti-consumerist holiday went relatively mainstream after being featured in a 1997 episode of the sitcom titled "The Strike." In the episode, Frank Costanza, father of George, details the customs of the "Festivus for the rest of us" -- the wrestling of the head of the household, the bare pole in lieu of a tree, the mundane "Festivus miracles" and, perhaps most importantly, the "airing of grievances."
Seinfeld has been off the air since before the turn of the century, but the Festivus spirit has lived on, and is perhaps no more important than in the Trump era. Below are 10 of the many gripes we'd like to air with President Donald Trump to get into the holiday spirit, in no particular order -- just like the Costanzas would have wanted it.
1. How bad you screwed everyone with the tax bill.
For Christmas, our president got us a tax plan that will make him and his cronies richer, will increase the national deficit by up to $1.4 trillion and will give next-to-nothing for everyone who could use a little extra money. Nobody's surprised a man who's filed for bankruptcy six times and comes from familial wealth is a proponent of this kind of disastrous spending, but to reference the main character of Seinfeld, "What's the deal?"
2. Pretending the "travel bans" aren't about Muslims.
Though your third travel ban was struck down in a Festivus miracle just hours before the dawn of this working-class holiday, many us are more than a little sore at your administration's repeated assertion that your three failed attempts at banning people from the Muslim-majority countries (and, for some reason, Chad) don't have to do with religion. Nonetheless, I do thank you, Mr. President, for making your true intentions known so regularly -- it helped judges strike it down for a third time.
3. Everything you said -- and didn't say -- about the klansmen and Nazis in Charlottesville.
When we think back to emotional-political roller coaster that was your first year, there's no doubt that your response to the "Unite the Right" rally in Charlottesville, Virginia on August 12 that led to a woman's death will stick out in our minds. After a scripted condemnation of the many shades of white supremacist that flocked to defend the honor of a memorial to a general in a failed, treasonous war, you shocked the nation by saying there were "very fine" people on "both sides" of the fight for and against fascist bigotry.
Despite alt-righters and their more openly violent and brazenly-genocidal ilk committing atrocious acts in the last few months, you've yet to offer any condemnation to this sizable portion of your base -- and your silence speaks volumes.
4. The way you say "China."
Compared to Nazis, a rising national deficit and attempts to legally sanction bigotry, your weird pronunciation of the word "China" isn't that egregious -- but nonetheless, it really gets under my skin. It's not even that you're mispronouncing it, per se -- you've been known to incorrectly pronounce the name of at least one American state and once made up the name of another country. But there's something about the leader of the free world saying "China" like that that's deeply unsettling.
5. Suggesting there's such a thing as a "good" government shutdown.
With everything that's happened in this insane year, I'll forgive you for forgetting the time you suggested the country needs a "good government 'shutdown'" so that you get make the Senate rules more favorable for your party. Luckily, we journalists typically have better memories than you, and that suggestion didn't completely fly under our radar. While it may be cool for you to get the day off and go play golf at Bedminster without the press pool breathing down your neck, it's much less cool for literally the entire country. You made sure to suggest it more privately the next time, but you should have known it was gonna get out. If you want to play hooky so bad, maybe you should just resign.
6. That whole Comey thing.
Despite it happening all the way back in May, I doubt that you've forgotten this one given that it's been discussed literally every day since you fired the former FBI director. Admittedly, no one has accused you of having the foresight to know just how deep the ripple effect from utterance of your favorite phrase would go, but for god's sake, "Daddy Comey" became a thing after this. Try to think about the bigger picture next time, OK?
7. Turning Roger Stone into a sought-after pundit.
Before you came along, Roger Stone was best-known for running the gubernatorial campaign for the "Manhattan Madam" whose clients were frequented by Eliot Spitzer. Now, he's a sought-after source for CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times for all things Trump. You even helped him achieve his dream of being written up by Vanity Fair, though not for his role as The Daily Caller's men's fashion editor. Nobody should be listening to this man, but now, everyone is. Shame on you, Mr. President, for subjecting us to this horror.
8. Making Steve Bannon a household name.
There's ample evidence to argue that the world was a much better place before the existence of Steve Bannon was common knowledge. As if it weren't bad enough that the World of Warcraft-loving former Goldman Sachs banker who allegedly ran a meth-porn house in Orlando, Florida managed to become an influential White House national security adviser. So thanks for that.
9. Calling Colin Kaepernick an SOB.
Pres. Trump discusses kneeling during national anthem at football game: "That's a total disrespect of our heritage" https://t.co/PYcZWSvN5I
— NBC News (@NBCNews) September 23, 2017
When stumping for the first of your two failed Alabama Senate candidates, you managed to insult millions of people when you insisted on calling athletes who took a knee in protest to police brutality "sons of b*tches." There's nothing funny to say about that, really -- it was just really messed up and made the argument that you're a white supremacist that much stronger.
10. Those damned MAGA hats.
Actually, this isn't even a grievance. With your introduction of these ubiquitous accessories, you've helped countless women know which men to swipe left on with a single glance, and for that, we thank you.
