Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel returned on Monday after the writer's strike ended. He told his audience that the crew knew that they were back to work when their parents began sending text messages with notes for the show.
"Please don't make the whole monologue about Trump," Kimmel read from Josh's mom.
"That is a no-can-do. I am backed up like you cannot believe," said Kimmel. "And he's taunting us. He was here in California over the weekend for a fundraiser."
Kimmel played a clip of Trump talking about the low-flow showers in California, which he said means rich people in Beverly Hills stink.
"That ridiculous man had the nuclear codes for four years," Kimmel recalled. "Wait until he finds out about the showers in prison.
Another comment Kimmel loved was Trump saying that now California has had all the rain they should use it to keep their forests damp so they don't catch on fire.
"Supporters from all around the southland paid $600 a pop for bright new ideas like this," said Kimmel. "He is so right. Why didn't we think of dampening the forest? That should be his slogan for 2024. DTF, dampen the forests."
Kimmel then turned to the indictments.
"Trump is now facing 91 felony counts. 91 felony counts," he said to audience applause. "It's like all of Melania's birthday wishes came true at once. Every time something Trump happened in the news, I would get texts asking me if I was bummed we didn't have a show that night, and mostly, I was fine. But the one that really got me was when they booked Trump in Georgia, and he self-reported his weight at 215 pounds. I almost crossed the picket line for that. If I were the judge in the case he has going in New York right now, I'd start the trial by saying 'Look, we're gonna get to the fraud thing, but first? Hop up on this scale, big fella.' If he's 215 pounds, that means he is 30 pounds lighter than his last physical. When he was president, he was 245 pounds. which means he is either lying or the colonel is now frying his chicken in Ozempic."
He went on to talk about the mugshot, how serious Trump looked, and the way he turned it into a money-maker.
"And he made a t-shirt out of it to sell to his fans. Now this, to me, is classic Donald Trump. He's selling a 'Never Surrender' shirt with a picture of him in the act of surrendering on it," Kimmel cracked up.
Kimmel played the clip of Trump at the courthouse in Manhattan Monday when he ranted about the assessment value of his properties.
"Only Donald Trump would try to inflate the value of his assets while on trial for inflating the value of his assets," he said.
The monologue continued with the weird clip Raw Story posted Sunday in which Trump goes on a weird rant about wanting to be electrified if he was in a sinking boat. In true Kimmel style, he slowed down the video to highlight the slur of Trump pronouncing "electrocution."
See the clip of the opener below or at the link here.
Jimmy Kimmel Makes Triumphant Return After Five Long Monthswww.youtube.com
