The CBS host began by explaining that he has discovered the real reason that Trump challenged Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is far deeper than international diplomacy or foreign trade.
"Wow!" Colbert said after reading Trump's tweets aloud. "He's mad. It's like Trudeau stole his girlfriend. Oh, wait, he kinda did."
Colbert then flashed a 2017 photo by Saul Loeb of the first daughter gazing at the Canadian leader with an appreciative smile.
"Now, demolishing our relationship with our closest ally might seem like a bad idea, but Trump's top advisers think otherwise," Colbert continued. "Like Trump trade adviser and dehydrated Tommy Lee Jones, Peter Navarro."
Colbert played the interview of Navarro blasting Trudeau saying there was a "special place in hell" for the leader.
"So, Canada's our enemy now," he said.
The host read an except from The Washington Post noting that never in history has a U.S. official spoken of an ally in this way. "These are the kind of words that normally precede military action," The Post said.
"We're going to war with Canada?" Colbert asked. "Oh, my God, we're going to have to put Alex Trebek in a detention center. Bet you don't have an answer for that one, do you, you smug bastard!"
After mocking the epic photo that shows an indignant Trump being surrounded by G7 leaders demanding an explanation for his tariffs problem, Colbert played a clip of the president demanding that the G7 let Russia back into the fold.
"This used to be the G-8, not the G-7," Trump said in his speech. "And something happened awhile ago, where Russia is no longer in. I think it would be an asset to have Russia back in."
"Something happened?" Colbert asked. "You mean the invasion of Crimea, eastern Ukraine, and the shooting down of a passenger jet? Did you just 'yada, yada, yada' over war crimes? Can you do that with any atrocity? 'Who knows how World War I happened? A web of entangling European alliances engineered by Otto von Bismarck yada, yada, yada-- 'War Horse' wins the Tony.'"
Colbert then cited Trump's insistence that Russia be let back at the negotiations table. "I understand you want Russia at the negotiating table, but Don, Jr. already tried that and got caught."
When it came to the newly founded "Trump Doctrine," which includes the sentimental declaration, "We're America, bitch," as one Trump staffer said.
"Huh, that's weird because it really looks like 'we're Russia's bitch,'" he closed.
Watch the full clip below:
