John Oliver: The only way Trump's problems get worse is if he confesses to Jeffrey Epstein's murder
John Oliver's Sunday episode of "Last Week Tonight," began with the hilarious moment of epic stupidity at the hands of President Donald Trump.
One of Oliver's favorite moments was when Trump tweeted a meme he created by Nickelback and then it was removed by a copyright report from the band. It's simply one of the absurd moments in what Oliver calls "Stupid Watergate II: The Stupidest Watergate."
"Yes, Twitter removed a meme the president posted because Nickelback complained," Oliver said. "And that's a sentence that somehow suggests that it was written by an algorithm designed to generate random sh*ttiness."
Perhaps the worst moment for the president came when he openly confessed to asking Ukraine to go after former Vice President Joe Biden and his family. Trump then asked another government to do the same when he created another conspiracy theory that the Bidens were given $1.5 billion by China. At the time this grand "deal" was taking place, the Bidens were struggling to pay for cancer treatment for their terminally ill son.
"Holy. Sh*t!" Oliver exclaimed. "So, instead of denying that he privately solicited dirt from a foreign power, he publicly did it, then asked another foreign power to get involved too, which is just making it worse. You almost expect his next words to be, 'Now, Biden's not as bad as Jeffrey Epstein but no problem, I had him killed. So sad. Great guy."
This week text messages emerged of diplomats discussing Trump's work to get Ukraine involved in investigating the Bidens. In that case, when career diplomat Bill Taylor asked for information about Trump's actions, Trump's ambassador to the EU, Gordon Sondland responded simply, "Call me."
"It honestly would have been less damning if he'd added, 'uhh, because I'm horny. And I want you to top me off. Even though I'm your boss. That's the misconduct I'm engaged in right now. Not anything else. (eggplant emoji)."
In another exchange last month, Taylor texted, "I think it's crazy to withhold security assistance for help with a political campaign." Sondland replied simply, "I believe you are incorrect about President Trump's intentions...No quid pro quos of any kind. I suggest we stop the back and forth by text" and moved the conversation offline where there couldn't be a record of it.
"When you're that concerned about not leaving a paper trail in your conversation, it's just inherently suspicious," Oliver said.
His example was if someone asked, "Have you ever masturbated in the lawn care aisle at Home Depot," and the response was, "I suggest we stop the back and forth by text," it too would be fairly damning.
"You pretty much have your answer right there," Oliver quipped.
He went on to close by saying that using one's office to take down political opponents are things dictators do.
"Trump asking China and Ukraine to do that should really bother us," Oliver said. The question is whether Republicans will care. He moved on to show exactly how they likely will not.
Watch Oliver's opening segment below:
"Breitbart Office Poll" results on SNL (screengrab)[/caption]